Washout

Well the last week has been a bit of a washout, on the day my last post was published I started to come down with a nasty virus. My throat felt like I had swallowed a packet of razor blades, I started to ache all over and my temperature started shooting up. Within the space of a few hours I had gone from feeling ok to wanting to crawl into bed and cry.

Thursday was also hard because Frankie and Mollie came home to their resting place. It was a really emotional day. Jay and I wanted them back home with us but it also meant it was final and we would have to accept that they were gone. They have a beautiful spot on our bookcase in their Emma Bridgewater pet bowls with their names on.

I can't look at the shelf at the moment I find it too upsetting. I miss them both so much but particularly my Frankie. He would have loved Dembe as he was always crazy about puppies. Whenever Jay took him to the vets and there was a puppy there Frankie would cry until he was allowed to go up and see the puppy. 

I remember him when we had the 2nd litter of Weimaraners and he had them hanging off him, all different places and some quite painful and he never batted an eyelid. He was so very gentle when it came to puppies. He didn't like other fully grown dogs much ( other than Mollie his mum and his sister Willow, who we lost in 2017) but puppies oh how he adored puppies. I know he would have adored Dembe.

Obviously due to the emotional battering we have taken over the last few weeks both our immune systems have been compromised. I rarely pick up any bugs that are going around even if Jay comes down with them 99 times out of 100 I will avoid them. So its unlike me to come down with something first. However over the last few weeks we have been out and about much more than we have been previously. I have mixed with many more people than I normally would. So I have probably been a lot more exposed to other people's germs than I would have been before. 

I haven't worn proper clothes since last Thursday I have just had to lounge around in my pj's because I just don't have the energy to get dressed. Some of my friends have also come down with this virus and have ended up quite poorly with both chest and sinus infections. Hubby has said they are dropping like flies at work and he is now starting to come down with a cold.

Dembe still brings us much joy and delight. He is such a happy pup, he just wants to please you the whole time. He has mastered sit and paw. We are working on his recall at the moment as he will be able to go out for his first walk on Thursday. Initially whilst we are still working on his recall, Jay will be walking him around the local streets teaching him to walk to heel and to get his bearings. He is desperate to get into the outside world. He loves sitting on the lounge window ledge and looking outside. 

I don't know what we would have done without Dembe, this Friday we will have had him 3 weeks and he will be 11 weeks old. He has grown loads but is still tiny compared to our other dogs. I don't even remember our other dogs as puppies. Probably because they grow up so fast. He changes every day and each day just brings us more joy. 

The really weird thing is Dembe on Friday seemed to know that I was feeling really rotten. Whilst I was lying on the sofa he wanted to sleep at the end of the sofa just like Nurse Frankie did whenever I was really poorly. Normally Dembe sleep's in his bed in the kitchen, so it is quite unusual for him to spend long periods of time on the sofa with me. He was so calm all day Friday, like he knew he had to tone things down as mum wasn't feeling well.

He also loves empty toilet roll tubes just like his Uncle Frankie did. He has a box full of toys but he goes crazy for an empty toilet roll tube. It is so sweet that he has some of Frankie's ways about him, he also loves a ball like Mollie did and loves cuddles like Willow. We don't compare him to our other dogs as that would be like comparing apples and oranges. It is just nice to talk about the others and him in the same sentence.

Well as I have heard from friends all over the country who have succumbed to this virus / flu-like bug I hope you all manage to avoid it. It is really nasty, I spent most of last night coughing as my throat kept drying out. Until next week...

Hoping for a quiet 2019

My last post was published on the 10th of January when I felt like my whole world had caved in. The last few weeks have been very hard, I miss Frankie and Mollie so much that my heart aches. There has not been a day that has gone by where I haven't wept with the pain of losing them as suddenly as we did. To lose two dogs in 7 days is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I wouldn't have got through it without hubby by my side. In fact I would have probably given up completely had he not been here.

Due to the shock, upset, grief hubby has taken some time off work. He already suffers with anxiety and depression and to ensure he didn't take a nose dive he saw the doctor and got himself signed off. He didn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone. Losing Mollie hit him very hard as she was his dogs. Plus it was very traumatic for us over 24 hours where it became clear that she had suffered from a stroke and there would be no recovery from this. We nursed her overnight and made sure she wasn't suffering. Right up until the end she only wanted her dad, whenever she was out of his sight she panicked. Jay stayed with her until the end as I had stayed with Frankie just the week before. To say our hearts were broken would have been an understatement.

I took a break from this blog as since the beginning back in 2008 the dogs have featured quite heavily in it. My Gravatar is me with Frankie, Frankie is the banner on Wordpress, on Twitter his photo is my profile picture and its the same on Facebook. Although I have managed to change my about me pages on both blog platforms, I can't remove his photo from any of my social media profile photos.  It feels like a huge chunk of my life has just vanished. Life as I knew it was taken away from me in the space of 7 days. I never knew I could feel so utterly broken by the passing of three dogs in just a little over the year.

For a few years Mr Myasthenia Kid and I had talked about what would happen when we no longer had any dogs. Initially we had said we would get a Labrador ( black) then we talked about a Beagle and also a Bracco Italiano. However for the last few months I had said I didn't know if I wanted another dog, I knew losing our last two Weimaraners would hit me really badly and by getting another dog meant at some point in the future I would have to go through the pain of losing it all over again. Jay was not having any of it, he said that I was already completely socially isolated and without a dog I would have no company at all. He felt it would be very damaging to my mental health. He was right, as 7 days without a dog in the house were the worst thing ever. I missed everything about having a dog, the cuddles, the mess, the unconditional love, someone to have silly conversations with.

By the Sunday after Mollie's passing we decided that we would get another dog and we started looking on-line for Labrador puppies. I had to give myself a crash course on Labrador's having not ever owned one. I located several breeders who had litters on The Kennel Club Website. Luckily one lady immediately responded to my email and told us she had two male yellow labs for sale. Obviously we had originally said we wanted a black lab but by this point it didn't matter what colour it was. We needed our house to feel like a home again, we were both distraught and sinking fast. We arranged to travel to see the 2 pups available the following day.

The rest is history, we now own a 9 week old Yellow Labrador called Dembe. We chose his name from the TV programme the blacklist, it means peace. Which you will probably agree we need by the bucket full. Dembe came home with us on Friday 11th January. You can read all about him   here as I have started his own blog for him. I will from time to time have photos of him on this blog but it is much easier to have all the news about him on a separate blog. Every Monday I will give a run down of what he has been up to the previous week. 

Some of you may be judging us, that we got a new dog too quickly or that we didn't love our other dogs that much because we replaced them with Dembe. Dembe is not and has never been a replacement. He is an addition to our household. He is very much-loved for the dog he is and will become. Anyone who thinks any less of us for this can just fuck off as far as I am concerned, your opinion is of very little value to me.

So whilst I took a break from here, I have been setting up Dembe's blog. I managed to keep writing which out of all the things I do creatively was the only thing that I could keep going. I hadn't been able to sew since Mollie passed away. I managed on the 16th January after a break of nearly two weeks to sit and do a small piece of embroidery. Mainly to ensure that Dembe wasn't scared of the noise the machine made. The only thing that has freaked him out so far has been the ironing board and it does the same to me if I am honest.

My health has been hit quite hard by the sudden turn of events. I have suffered vertigo, continuous headaches, back spasms, Eczema, migraines and ptosis. As usual it a few days after the event before I started to go down hill. Thankfully with Jay off work we have been able to manage Dembe's care and socialisation process. To be honest without him I would have crawled into bed and never come out again. This little chap has saved us both. The lady that we are friendly with at the vets ( who had a soft spot for Frankie) called Dembe our miracle dog. She knew how much our lives focused on our dogs and also knew that without a dog in our life we would fall apart. 

So many people have told us that we have done exactly the right thing. It doesn't mean that we loved our Weimaraners any less, it is because we loved them so much that we had all this love to give to another dog. 

Dembe has bonded with us both. He is such a happy, laid back dog. His tail wags continuously. Everyone who meets him falls in love with him. I thought at one point after Mollie had passed away that Jay looked like he was going to drop dead from a broken heart. He was just an ashen colour. I have seen Jay poorly many times but this was the worst I had seen him look for a long time. Since Dembe's arrival he is looking so much better, we both feel like there is a future in front of us. In the immediate aftermath of losing both dogs it felt like we were staring into the abyss .

I am hoping that my health stabilises shortly, it is going to have to as Jay goes back to work from Monday 21st and it will just be me and Dembe. However Jay will be coming home at lunch times to help with feeding and toileting. He still has a few weeks until he will be able to go out for a walk. Whilst Jay is home though I am trying to take it as easy as possible. Jay has been doing everything for me as usual.

2018 ended in a way that I didn't see coming and 2019 started in a way we never envisaged. All I can hope for is a quieter year for the rest of 2019.

I will never forget the love that these three beautiful loyal dogs gave me. Run free my darlings, we will miss you everyday for the rest of our lives.

Taking a break

I said in my last post of 2018 that I would be resuming normal service from today 10th January (2019). However it is with a great deal of sadness that I have to break the news ( for those of you who don't follow me on social media) that I lost my beloved nurse Frankie on 29th December 2018.

We knew his health was declining but we thought we would have at least another 6 months with him. Unfortunately he suddenly became very unwell, both Jay and I agreed that to keep him going now would be for no other reason than we were too selfish to say goodbye. 

We saw the vet and discussed it with her and she was in full agreement. She praised us for our ability to take the emotion out of the decision and do what was best for him. Despite the fact that hubby and I were bawling our eyes out, we knew that Frankie had to be put first.

I am completely bereft. I now know what the term grief stricken actually means. I feel like my heart has been ripped out. Although we still have his mum Mollie who is 14, she is Jays dog, my nurse Frankie is gone.

So for this reason I am going to take a break from blogging for a bit. My heart is just not in it. I hope to be back at the end of January but if I am still not feeling it I will take as long as I need. 

In Loving Memory of

Frankie Morris

07/10/06 - 29/12/18

Just a week later Mollie suffered a stroke and sadly passed away a week to the day her son crossed Rainbow bridge. The pain we both feel is immeasurable, to suddenly find ourselves with no dogs after having them for nearly 16 years, is devastating.  We are totally lost. The last week has been one of the most painful in my life.

We donated all the dogs food, treats and supplements to a local group helping families in need - usually caused by being switched over to the controversial benefit Universal Credit. These families have been forced to use food banks but they do not provide food for pets. We hope by donating what we had we help keep someones whole family together. To lose a pet not through death but due to the fact your circumstances have been reduced to the point where you can't afford to feed them must be so psychologically damaging. It gives me a Jay some hope that despite our pain we may have done some good.

In loving memory of

Mollie

November 2004 - 5th January 2019 

So for this reason I am going to take a break from blogging for a bit. My heart is just not in it. I hope to be back at the end of January but if I am still not feeling it I will take as long as I need.