What I have been holding my breath waiting for since the start
of the year and all the bereavements we went through
has finally happened. I knew at some point my health
would be impacted and over the last 7 days it’s happened.
I’ve spent a few days in bed this week, purely because
the chest pain on moving and the level of exhaustion
was becoming unbearable. I really hate it when
my health takes a nosedive as it can be months before
I get back to where I was before. The same thing
happened last year when we went through two
bereavements in the space of 6 months. It took me from the
May until the October to get anywhere near where I had
I hate the feeling of helplessness and vulnerability this creates
within me. I lose all motivation to do anything and just want to
hide away from the world in the hope it will leave me alone.
But it wont and I have to be a grown up and deal with the things
that make me feel uncomfortable.
I am fed up with the professionals in my life telling me that my
body’s and minds response to this is normal, personally I’d prefer
that they waved a magic wand and made it all go away. However
I know it’s not going to happen so I just need to put my big girls
pants on and get through this.
I am trying desperately hard not to fall down the rabbit hole and
get seriously depressed. I won’t lie I am dealing with depression
and anxiety at the moment. I have lost my sewjo, I have just been
too exhausted and when I have tried to sew I've ended up with
horrendous double vision. Sewing to me since October has
been like breathing so to not be able to currently
do it is frustrating. Hopefully it ( my sewjo ) will return
soon and I will physically be able to do it.