And Breathe

There just seems like there is so much going on at the moment it can be hard to take a breath and just relax. I can cope when the "stuff" is mine but when it is happening to my nearest and dearest it can be hard for me to cope sending my PoTs / Dysautonomia symptoms into free fall. So this will just be a short post!

My impending hospital stay has been cancelled. I only found this out when I rang my consultants secretary. For some reason hospitals don't think life actually exists outside their tiny bubble. The fact people have to work, put carefully orchestrated plans in place for you to be able to go into hospital seems to not register with them at all. I know as well that I will have to ring the secretary again (none of this is her fault or my consultants) because no one will have thought to put me back on the clinic list again. If I don't contact them I will fall off their radar as I did last year.

The reason for my non admittance is that there are no beds available unless it is a life or death situation. This has been the case in many UK hospitals for months. Why is it happening? The answer is complex, local councils who sort out care in people's homes when they are released from hospital are being starved of funds, so many people who could be released are left in hospital "blocking beds" obviously not the patients fault. General practitioners are leaving the profession in their droves meaning patients can't get appointments and are instead presenting at their local accident and emergency departments. Conditions that could have been managed in the community by general practitioners aren't, meaning people with chronic conditions have no where else to go but their local hospital. It is a mess of catastrophic proportions that has set the NHS back 20 years. The NHS is something this country should be proud of instead its being carved up into pieces by politicians who want to privatise it, mainly because they have shares in the companies tendering for contracts.

The bed shortage hasn't only hit me but my mum as well. Those of you who are regular readers may recall in July last year I posted about my mum waiting for a major spinal operation. We were told countless lies by the hospital regarding the waiting times, 15 weeks, 20 weeks, its been closer to ten months. Last Thursday (2nd April) my mum received a telephone call to say her operation would be taking place on Thursday 9th April. It was a bit of a surprise for all of us as we had been lead to believe the surgical rotas were completed 6 weeks in advance. It has been a little stressful as my parents try to get everything ready for my mum's very long recovery period.

Now as my mum was getting her head around the fact that she was having her operation so soon, the goal posts moved again. The operation has been cancelled and moved to next Tuesday. Fingers crossed that it takes place then and we aren't continually in the holding pattern of a date set only for it to be cancelled again. I know it isn't a life saving operation, those will always take precedence over a surgery like my mum's but hers will be a life altering one. As whilst waiting mum's condition has worsened to the point that she is struggling to walk, having regular falls and is in so much more pain. Hopefully when I post next week she will have finally had it.

As for me a few hours after starting this post I had a telephone call from my own hospital. They were offering to take me in next Tuesday, with mum's surgery due to take place that day I declined. I hate hospitals at the best of times but to be in there when mum was having her operation, I just couldn't do. My own admittance date has been changed to 21st April if there is a bed available, fingers crossed. 

Now for some lovely news I am happy to announce that I am going to be an Auntie again. It's a very exciting time for all of us and helps us all focus on the future. 

Ten things....

As this is being posted the day before Good Friday, I thought I would make it a short and fun post. I am still recovering from a UTI so don't have the energy for one of my long rambles. I hope you enjoy it and please remember most of this is dripping with sarcasm!

Ten things I hate

1. People that tell me I don't hate things, that I dislike them immensely. I know my own mind and believe me I know when I hate something no matter how irrational or illogical you think it is.

2. Child proof bottle tops. Now obviously I know they are there for the safety of children I have no argument with that. It is just that at the age of 41 I would have thought I would have been able to master the child proof bottle top. So many of my medications come in these bottles it drives me to distraction. When I hear the click, click, click that tells me yet again I have failed I want to throw the bottle against the wall. Saying that I also have problems with tablets in foil packs. I don't know what the answer is other than have a pharmacist hand deliver my medications as and when I need them.

3. Rustlers spare ribs. If you have no clue what I am talking about they can be seen here . It's not the spare ribs themselves I have an issue with it is the way the smell. Being vegetarian I have never eaten them they are my husbands fast food snack of choice, to me they smell of a combination of dog faeces and burnt human flesh. Before anyone decides to comment on me being a vegetarian I will set the record straight - I have no problem if you want to eat meat. I have been married to a carnivore for nearly 15 years, if I had an issue do you not think he would have been harangued into becoming a vegetarian? Maybe this one should have been combined with number 6 however the smell of these deserves a category all of its own.

4. Daddy long legs (for my overseas friends you can see them here) actually its a dead heat between Daddy long legs and Flying ants (even the picture of them makes me feel sick). Both make me feel physically sick on sight. With summer rapidly approaching it means its time for the Daddy long legs to start terrorising me. I have a break from the flying ants until the end of July beginning of August. When either of these land on me I can feel myself crawling out of my own skin. Such is my problem with Daddy Long Legs years ago during a disciplinary meeting at which I was taking notes one flew into the room. Due to my screaming the meeting had to be adjourned until the thing was removed. Not very professional on my part but as I said I really dislike them immensely, no that's not true I hate them!!!

5. Dirty toilets / cleaning toilets. I know that sounds stupid you can't have a clean toilet without cleaning it, unless you can afford to have someone clean it for you. I have never enjoyed the process of cleaning the bog. If and when I do get up close and personal with the toilet, I have very long rubber gloves on and lots of bleach on hand. It is one of the few jobs I can do as it involves sitting down and if I am honest its one of the few things my husband is crap at - pun intended. I actually can't remember a time when he has cleaned the toilet. What I really hate is using a dirty toilet. You know the type I mean a huge black pubic hair staring at you invitingly from the seat and a nice colour chart of skid marks decorating the bowl. I don't care how dirty your home is there is no excuse in my book for a toilet looking like that, unless you have been very, very ill overnight and in that case I shouldn't be using your loo anyway.

6. Phantom smells. Since I became ill or should I say sicker in 2007 I have suffered with the phenomenon of phantom smells. When it happens it's not just a little whiff of something its a smell that you can't get away from. I smell anything from dog urine, stale alcohol or faeces on a bad day. On a good day from 20 feet I can tell if you washed your hair that morning. The smell of unwashed hair now makes me feel sick. It's almost as if I am not suffering from the phantom smells my sense of smell is acute. If my sense of smell becomes distorted I know that I am heading for a collapse. My husband, who only drinks a couple of times a year has been accused of drinking (by me) whilst he has been out at work which is simply not possible. I have days where I am convinced the whole house smells of stale urine despite the decking being washed down and treated with Jeyes Fluid. I hate this because a bad smell can ruin my day. No one has ever been able to tell me what is going on with my sense of smell. I have spent hours Googling phantom smells and have come up empty-handed. Nothing I have read on-line fits what I experience. I have never bothered bringing it up with my doctors as there always seems to be another symptom that needs more urgent attention. If anyone reading this identifies with what I am talking about please leave a comment!

7. Smoked Foods. There are quite a few foods that I hate Stilton, mushrooms and marrow to name a few, my revulsion towards them is nothing compared to my husbands phobia of mayonnaise. Who even knew that was possible but confronted with mayonnaise he spontaneously vomits and his fear is getting worse. Anyway back to me, you know how I love to hog the limelight lol! However I really loath smoked foods which I find very odd considering I am a smoker (please no moaning at me for that). Smoked foods make me gag! Enough said.

8. People who assume disability is a lifestyle choice. There seem to be many more of these people around now than before 2010. I suppose that is only to be expected when the disabled are being demonized in the press the way have been over the last few years. We have been divided into two groups, scroungers or the deserving disabled. In effect we have been dehumanized, we are a burden and in some political circles the whole reason for the world economic crisis. I would do anything rather than live like this. It wasn't a choice for me it just happened. I do wish people are one accident or illness away from relying on help from the state. To suffer misfortune in this way is not a choice. To be marginalised because it did happen is not the sign of an evolved society.

9. People who assume they know my illness better than I do having looked on Google. The Internet is a wonderful thing, without it I wouldn't be able to write my blog and keep in contact with the outside world. However people don't seem to use the same scepticism when reading articles on the web as they do when reading the printed word. They also believe that one article will provide them with all the information they need, rather than actually researching the issue properly. The same is true for medical professionals. I have sat in a hospital bed whilst the medic treating me has Googled my condition. They have then come back and tried to tell me about the condition. Wouldn't it have just been easier to talk to the human being who is suffering from it? It also seems difficult for them to grasp that although I was initially diagnosed with PoTs my condition has progressed and is now called (by my hospital consultant) Severe Autonomic Nervous System Dysfunction. I have given up trying to get most people medical or not to understand.

10. People who lack manners. I could write a post about my many grumblings about this modern-day phenomenon of a complete lack of manners by people. All it would do is make me look like a grumpy old woman but this lack in common courtesy really does grind my gears. I am not saying that I am brilliant in this area I am not but I do try, sometimes I wonder why I bother though when the people you make the effort for react to it with wide-eyed consternation. A thank you goes a long way and can wipe out any previous indiscretions on the manners front. I am amazed how many people do not say thank you in a wide range of situations. I always say thank you when people make way for my chariot (wheelchair) but you would be surprised how many people ignore me when I say "excuse me please" when I wish to get past them. People seem to have forgotten the basics but are happy to berate those who they perceive the common courtesy has been denied by. They are quite happy to treat others in their cavalier manner but return the treatment and you are the worlds worst. As I say I could write at least two posts on the subject but it would fall on deaf ears to the people it was aimed at. With those types of people I find its best to kill them with kindness knowing full well you have the moral high ground.

This has been fun but like all good things it has come to an end. For those of you celebrating Easter or just spending time with family over the long weekend Enjoy!

Rach xx