A new day.....

After yesterdays downer I thought I better post and let you know that I am OK. I am still in pain although its not as intense, I have a thumping headache but that is either due to the heavy doses of pain killers I have taken in the last 24 hours or due to the very thundery weather we are experiencing here at the moment.

Last night we had a thunder storm the like of which I haven't seen for years and years. It had been very humid all day then suddenly at around 7pm the temperature shot up again. The rain was unbelievable and reminded me of the monsoon rains in Sri Lanka. My husband and I were married there in 2000 at the end of the Monsoon season and boy can it rain, even at the end of the season!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sri_Lanka
http://www.kuoni.co.uk/en/holiday/indian-ocean/sri-lanka/sri-lanka-beach/southwest-coast/accommodation/pages/heritance-ahungalla.aspx this is the actual hotel that we got married at, although it was known as The Triton Hotel before the Tsunami. It was one of the most beautiful places in the world that I have ever visited and to return there is on my bucket list!

The dogs were terrified, Mollie took herself up into the bathroom and hid in the shower cubicle. When she is that bad there is no point trying to comfort her she wants to be alone and in the dark. Willow was so scared her teeth were chattering, its the strangest noise ever. She spent the evening trying to climb onto my lap, not good when you are in pain with your hips and back. Frankie paced around the lounge a lot and pretended to be scared to get a chance of cuddles. He wasn't that stressed though as whilst I was calming willow down he stole my cup of tea!

There was forked lightening last night and sheet lightening. We were very lucky as although the windows were shaking with the volume of the thunder we didn't have anything directly overhead, it was all a few miles away. The forked lightening was weird as it was running horizontally through clouds rather than hitting the ground. I love thunder and lightening and could sit and watch it for hours. I never get the chance now as I end up having to comfort the dogs. Its very strange as when they are out for a walk thunder and lightening doesn't bother them, its only in the house they become hysterical.

Last night whilst hubs was working I decided to treat myself to watching a few episodes of Supernatural to cheer myself up. It did the trick although I ended up pausing it a lot and had to whizz it back when Frankie stood on the remote control and managed to hit the fast forward button.

I guess I am fed up at the moment as I have started medication for my postural orthostatic tachycardia but there is no improvement. I have been on Florinef ( a type of steroid) for well over 4 weeks now and all I have to show for it is daily headaches. My blood pressure is a little more stable although it hasn't raised significantly. Nothing has really changed, I knew no one would be able to wave a magic wand and make it all go away. What distresses me most is that I feel like I am getting sicker, I used to be able to do a few things around the house and I am simply unable to do them anymore. Slowly bit by bit my independence is being eroded. I am in the prime of my life yet like grains of sand it is slipping through my fingers. Its so frustrating that enjoying myself last week has caused me to be so ill this week.

I also have some forms to fill in to state the severity of my disability and thinking about it is just depressing me. To acknowledge the very little I can do and the amount of help I need to live a not even normal life. It is painful and starts of the grieving process again for all the things I have lost.

Just lying on the bed typing this has sent my pulse to 110 bpm!!! Yep my heart is loving the disco dancing. This spontaneous tachycardia is so exhausting, its like I am constantly running on the spot. Most people would be tired after running a mile or even a few miles. Imagine running everyday from the minute you wake until the minute you close your eyes to go to sleep.

Some good news ..... the garden didn't need watered last night and my broom has come into bloom and looks really lovely. It adds another shot of colour into the garden. The Clematis that I thought I killed last year has grown around 12 inches in the last two weeks. I have managed to almost kill this Clematis twice now and it keeps bouncing back, I really don't have green fingers and I struggle to even keep house plants alive. The Lobelia and Begonias are all growing and last weekend my mum and dad bought me a Marguerite. This has doubled in size since being potted on. The Passion Flowers are also growing and are needing to be tied back every few days.

I forgot to say that last week whilst sitting in the garden early one morning I heard a Cuckoo - I maybe repeating myself here as I truly can't remember if I posted this or not, I know I meant too. I have never heard a Cuckoo anywhere other than the common in all the years I have lived here. To be able to hear one from my back garden was amazing and it made my day.

The weather here has got very muggy again and the sky is turning very dark. I am hoping that we don't have a repeat of yesterday, I don't think I have the energy to cope with three stressed out dogs again.

Thanks for listening xx