I have to bite the bullet and write this post. I have successfully put off writing it since my hospital stay in April 2014 but its time.
I've been reluctant to write it as there is so much NHS bashing in the media and I don't want to bash an institution that has brought me into the world and saved my life but like any large institution there are things that could be improved and my hospital stay was far from plain sailing.
So if any of my readers are part of the NHS this isn't an attack on you but please take a look at the points I am raising and look at the departments you work in. Are there things you could be doing better? Are there things that are happening that are wasting precious resources? Try and look at it as if you were a patient because if you forget that the patients are at the heart of the NHS that's where things will go wrong.
My Consultant, a very hard working, caring, diligent man, a little caustic and with a dry sense of humour that can be hard to "get" unless you're me and find him hysterical, is in essence a specialist in Geriatric Medicine / General Medicine. Which means whenever I speak to someone who has not come in contact with me before it leads to some confusion when I give my date of birth. I am one of his youngest patients. I came to him through being referred to the completely wrong clinic, initially he suspected that I had somatoform disorder - after all that's what my notes said from all the other doctors that had ever seen me since 2007. He either took a chance on me when he agreed to a tilt table test or just did it to shut me up. Either way I am grateful that he listened to me when I produced my list of blood pressure and pulse readings at our first meeting.
Lets call him Dr B, I have given out so many pseudonyms in the past, I apologise if I've used this one before. Dr B is in charge of the ward I stayed on and its a locked ward due to the majority of his patients having dementia. Its not locked in the sense you can only escape by stealing the keys but unlike other wards in the hospital the doors close automatically and you have to hit a discreet button to get the doors to open. I have no problem with this, after all if your loved one is suffering from any form of dementia the last thing you want is to find they have absconded from the ward and are wandering the corridors.
I've never been on a locked ward before so that was a little weird, plus it was a nightmare to navigate the doors for my husband who was pushing my wheelchair. There was a very small window of opportunity once the button was pushed to get me safely through without being crushed by the door.
On arrival we were informed that my bed wasn't currently available and that we should go to the restaurant and wait for 30 Min's. Again I don't have an issue with this. A patients discharge can be held up for a variety of reasons and on the majority occasions its not the wards fault. When we came back we found the bed still wasn't ready and we then had to wait in the staff room for over an hour.
90 minutes or more later, my bed was ready and I was shown to my room. I had a small private room with a wash hand basin but no toilet facilities. This wasn't ideal as it meant I would have to struggle to the toilet myself or call for a member of staff to help. The amount I drink due to excessive thirst meant if I called them continually for help I knew I would rapidly become their least favourite person.
As I have written in a previous post "Permission denied" I was swabbed for MRSA / C Diff - intimately. I had to provide a urine sample as because I am a woman I have no control over my reproductive system so I maybe pregnant. I know that people can be pregnant and not know about it but with zero maternal instinct contraception has always been high on my list of priorities. I understand they are covering their arses but it irritates me. I feel its like, you have a womb so therefore you have a reduced mental capacity. Do men have to provide a urine sample every time they rock up to A&E or when admitted to hospital?
A short while later Dr B popped his head around the door and within the space of 5 minutes had dropped the bombshell that I would be in hospital for a week. My husband and I had planned for two days - the two days that we had been told in the previous November. I was furious as I had emailed Dr B and Dr B's secretary in the weeks leading up to this admission asking about the length of stay and asking other questions. I never received a reply. I managed to bargain the stay down to three days. My husband had taken a weeks holiday the week before as that was when I was supposed to have been admitted. Because that was cancelled he had to take emergency holiday from work to be able to take me to hospital now. I explained that my husbands work were accommodating but this was unacceptable, that life existed outside the hospital, a life where there is a mortgage to pay, an economic downturn and employers making staff redundant.
I understand that Dr B is a busy man, his clinic is expanding all the time. However this could have all been avoided if someone had just taken the time to communicate what would be happening during my hospital stay and the length that it would be. What if I had children and needed to sort out childcare etc, I had to sort out people to sit with my dogs as they can't be left. So it threw all of our plans out and meant my husband had to contact his employer and tell them he may not be in work for one of the busiest weeks of the year (after Christmas).
I then had a nice friendly doctor come in and take a medical history ( again another colossal waste of time when you are resting on my vast pile of notes whilst taking it). This took over an hour and a half and I should imagine this doctor thought her visit to me was going to be a quick in and out. I had to spend the majority of the time explaining my conditions - now I could understand this if my admission had been an emergency but this was a planned admission, perhaps a perusal of my notes and a quick session on Google would have been quicker? It was also clear that she had no clue about EDS or Severe Autonomic Dysfunction, nice interpersonal skills but that won't save my life in an emergency. I hate saying that on first impressions she was a really was a lovely person but like everyone else on the ward she was clueless about my condition.
Also after I left hospital I found that she had been a little creative on my discharge notes. As part of the history taking process she was supposed to examine me. This never happened however my discharge notes did not admit this omission. It was covered up with "on examination her abdomen was found to be soft and her lungs clear". My lungs or abdomen had never been checked as she had never come back to check them. This is bad doctoring and is inexcusable if it is compounded by essentially lying on my hospital notes. So the "nice" doctor had lied another reason why I find it so hard to trust the medical profession.
As usual I asked if I could self medicate - I hate having to wait for my tablets when I am in pain. This isn't a pop at the nurses, in the ward there clearly weren't enough nurses or health care assistants and they were rushed off their feet. If I self medicate it means you don't have to answer my bell and it saves you a job and it means I get my medications on time. I manage them perfectly well at home, I am not an idiot patient.
As usual because I take opiates - morphine slow release and oramorph, these have to be stored separately in the wards controlled drugs cupboard. Again I understand its for safety and its the rules but its highly irritating when you are allowed to administer these at home unsupervised. It also meant throughout my stay that my pain wasn't well controlled as my slow release morphine tablets were given to me 2 hours late on the first day and then an hour late the next and I had to continually battle with the nurses administering my oramorph to give me the correct dose.
I am allowed to take 5ml / 10mg of liquid morphine every four hours at home should I need to. I never have because at home I stay on top of my pain. I can go days without taking oramorph as long as I stay on top of my pain. Its my last resort medication, when every other pain relief option has been exhausted. When I take it I take the prescribed 5ml / 10mg dose. It was written in my notes that this was the dose I should receive yet for some reason every nurse that I administered the oramorph when I asked for it decided to half the dose. When I asked why they wouldn't give me the full dose I was told "you can wait an hour and see if you need the other half". Like every patient, I know my body, I know that a half dose won't cut the mustard, especially if my other pain medications haven't been given to me on time.
In a lot of pain at 8pm the first evening I ended up losing my temper with the nurse on duty. It wasn't her fault she had only just started her shift, she sat with me and explained that nurses always try and administer the lowest dose of oramorph first. I understand that's their approach but nowhere in my notes did it say reduce my medication by half, they didn't give me half my contraceptive pill, or one paracetamol instead of two, or one slow release morphine tablet instead of two so why ration the oramorph - it was being administered from the bottle I brought in so it wasn't costing them anything!
Being in pain when there is no reason to be is a horrible situation to be in. I spent my entire hospital stay chasing the pain trying to get on top of it. For the 24 hours in their care the pain was horrendous and it took me 48 hours once I was home to get back on top of it. It was a situation that didn't need to happen and clearly none of those administering my medications appreciated the level of pain I was in.
My pain is triggered by hospital beds, I either get a memory foam "style" mattress which means my joints have pressure applied on them that they don't usually have or a mattress that is too soft. I know many people with EDS find memory foam mattresses a real help, I like to be different. I have a memory foam topper but underneath my mattress is hard because my body finds it so hard to support itself when I am asleep.
I clearly wasn't her favourite patient ( she was also the nurse that I told I wouldn't be having a bedsore check) which was made abundantly clear when she told me the lady that had been in the bed before me had the same illness as me but was much worse and had been sick 10 years. I felt like telling her "Its not a bloody competition" I kept my mouth shut as I was still waiting for my slow release morphine!
I think the situation was difficult for both nurses and I because they were used to compliant elderly patients who didn't speak up for themselves. This was more than evident when I had to complain about the mess the shared toilet was in when I went to use it. The patient two rooms up from me was having explosive diarrhoea and wasn't always making it to the toilet bowl. Despite me informing the nurses of the toilet situation and the fact I was desperate for a wee, 20 minutes later the toilet was still a no go area. I couldn't wait any longer and I knew I would be waiting longer still if I asked for a commode. I tiptoed through the path of destruction found some toilet cleaning wipes and cleared up the other persons mess so that I could use the toilet. I shouldn't have had to do this and it made me angry. The staff were well aware of my limited mobility and the fact I couldn't go clean toilet hunting.
I chatted to the matron of the ward the following day after leaving less than positive feedback on the card the ward administrator had given me. I was told that the nurse looking after me had point blank refused to clean the toilet feeling it wasn't in her job role. By the time the matron inspected the toilet she couldn't see an issue, I set her straight and told her there was no issue because I had cleaned it up. Something as a patient I shouldn't have had to do.
Having been a manager of people, which essentially this matron was I found it startling that her request for my nurse to clean up the mess was ignored. Perhaps this is where the problem lay in the ward that those working for the matron ignored her and essentially there was no management actually taking place in the working environment. I want to say again the matron struck me as a lovely hardworking person but her time was being used doing the jobs those working for her were refusing carry out. In a previous life when I worked staff (including managers) could be disciplined for failing to carry out a reasonable request, I would suggest that clearing up bodily fluids is reasonable set in the context of nursing and if you don't like it perhaps nursing isn't for you?
I realise I haven't touched upon the point of my admission, the octreotide trial and that's because that was beset with disasters also. I am saving that for part two.
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Showing posts with label Ocetreotide. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ocetreotide. Show all posts
Monday, 16 June 2014
Thursday, 10 April 2014
Where do blog posts come from?
This post was prepared in advance due to the octreotide trial I was supposed to be having on April 8th. On Monday 7th April I received a phone call to say the trial had been cancelled for Tuesday and been moved to Monday 14th April 2014. I will of course update you with all the gory details if indeed it does take place on 14th April.
I know some people are curious as to where I get the ideas and inspirations for my blog posts. Some are interested in the process I have for blogging.The answer to where I get the blog subject from is quite diverse and sometimes strange! The process of how I get the blog post idea from my head to the page can be equally bizarre.
My blog started out as a way for me to be heard, even if no one read it in the beginning it didn't matter to me as long as I got my thoughts and feelings down on the page. I felt like all the doctors I came into contact with weren't listening, my health was bad and I was being labelled with conversion disorder yet no psychiatric help was given.
I knew that I wasn't manufacturing my condition and they weren't some vague symptoms being complained about by a stressed out thirty something woman to gain attention. So initially my blog was about what was going on in my life at the time.
When I first became ill I became convinced that I was dying or was going to die due to the lack of help I was receiving from the medical community. In a way my blog the last statement I could make should the worst happen. It could be used as evidence against all those doctors who had told me that I wasn't ill and that the problem was all in my head. It was a scary time and some of my earlier blog posts are very angry and desperate.
To begin with I tried to keep my personal life separate from my blog to give myself some anonymity. However I found this created a disconnect between myself and what I was writing. I felt I couldn't be honest and be the passionate person I am without you the reader getting to see me, the writer of this blog. So slowly I started letting my guard down and letting the readers of my blog get to know me a bit better. You can't empathise or understand a person unless you know them.
As time went on I realised I wanted the blog to be more than just about my health. I wanted to encompass other subjects that would be of wider interest to people within the world of chronic sickness and not just those suffering with EDS, Pots and dysautonomia.
I have been blogging a lot recently as my health has been so poor that I can not do my normal activities. Sitting (or in my case lying in bed with the computer on a lap tray) at the computer / tablet and letting off some steam and thinking about writing has helped me get through this difficult period.
So I better answer the question as to where I get the ideas for my blog posts.
Some come from my life as in what new medical struggle I maybe facing at that time, some come from conversations with friends ( my blog post on friends and chronic illness came from a friend and two different peoples stories on two different Facebook groups which were literally posted within hours of each other) , others come from suggestions that my mum makes ( usually she asks me something and as I am explaining it to her I think wow that would make a great post!) Some come from reading other peoples blogs, reading their posts sparks an idea in my head for a subject. Some come from my memories recent or long ago. And weirdest of all some come to me in dreams. It seems currently after an 18 month hiatus my brain is back in blogging mode.
I really need to start carrying a notebook with me wherever I go - which is mainly around the house. The number of times I will be having a conversation with my husband and then suddenly think "oh that would be a great post" and then five minutes later realise I've forgotten it is getting frustrating! Usually the really good ideas stick in my head, they get me animated straight away and whenever I can I am thinking about them and trying to think of the right way to approach the subject.
Once I have an idea in my head, I start having a conversation in my head about it. I like discussing the idea with myself and seeing where it takes me. I know this sounds completely crazy but it keeps the subject alive in my head. Then when I feel happy with the subject I start to research it, if its a topic that needs better understanding or some basic fact checking. Sometimes I look at other peoples blogs and see what sort of things they have written about on the subject. If its something medical I will research information about it and find good items I can provide links for. Sometimes its a subject that doesn't need any research (like this post) but these are few and far between.
Blogging is so much more than just typing words onto a page. For me its an escape from chronic illness and a way to express myself. Writing has become again to me as important as breathing. Although I only post twice a week - Mondays and then Thursday or Friday, I write most days. Either for future blog posts or editing / refining the ones that are already written.
My blog posts can take hours to write, which is something my husband really doesn't understand! He doesn't "do" reading and only saw my blog properly in the last few weeks. I do know that he is incredibly proud of what I am doing, even if he has never read it. I will chat to him about what I am writing about, he never complains that I take time out to write and he is very encouraging, always asking how many views my blog has received that day.
With the first draft of my blog post, I just let the words tumble all over the page, random paragraphs with random thoughts dotted all over the place. I am queen of tangent land - I am forever going off on one! I like to quickly get down whatever is in my head and then have a break from it for a bit.
The second draft I look at what is working and what isn't and if I have actually addressed the blog post theme or if I've gone off on a tangent. If the tangent is good and needs to be included I then work out a way to get it to link to the subject. This is then followed by another break.
Third, fourth, fifth drafts ( and possibly more depending on the subject) is about moving paragraphs around, changing things I am still not happy with and improving the flow of the post. Throughout the whole process I am constantly looking for errors and I never ever manage to spot them all. I hate it when I am really pleased with a post and its been published and then I see an error. Its horrible and happens far more than I would like it to.
The thing I struggle with the most is blog post titles, a lot of the subjects I am dealing with aren't that "sexy" so it can be difficult to come up with something that will catch peoples eyes when they are doing a Google search. Sometimes a post will have many different titles before I finally settle on one that I like. On occasions though it is whatever I can come up with before my deadline to publish. Some work, others don't. I am not a professional, I don't have an editor or anyone helping me write my posts this is a one woman outfit.
Once my new blog post has been published I then have to try and raise awareness about it. I do this through my facebook page www.facebook.com/pages/The-Myasthenia-Kid/205747292968956?ref=hl and my personal twitter account @kidmorris, I am also on google+. All this takes time and effort but a day "pushing" a blog post every few hours really increases the number of views it receives. I can get a bit fixated on the number of visits my blog receives. I have noticed that on the days I publish there is a big spike in views, which is music to my ears as it means my story is getting out there and I may be able to help others who are also struggling to get a diagnosis.
Currently I am trying to work at least one blog post ahead so that if I have a few rough days my blog can carry on without any input from me. This has been particularly important this month with a hospital stay coming up (fingers crossed that the bed is available) on 8th April (this is being written at 6am on the 7th April) and I have no idea what shape I am going to be in afterwards. As stated at the top of this blog post my hospital admission has now been moved to 14th April.
So that's how my blog posts come about if you were curious! As soon as I am able I will update you with how my octreotide trial went.
I know some people are curious as to where I get the ideas and inspirations for my blog posts. Some are interested in the process I have for blogging.The answer to where I get the blog subject from is quite diverse and sometimes strange! The process of how I get the blog post idea from my head to the page can be equally bizarre.
My blog started out as a way for me to be heard, even if no one read it in the beginning it didn't matter to me as long as I got my thoughts and feelings down on the page. I felt like all the doctors I came into contact with weren't listening, my health was bad and I was being labelled with conversion disorder yet no psychiatric help was given.
I knew that I wasn't manufacturing my condition and they weren't some vague symptoms being complained about by a stressed out thirty something woman to gain attention. So initially my blog was about what was going on in my life at the time.
When I first became ill I became convinced that I was dying or was going to die due to the lack of help I was receiving from the medical community. In a way my blog the last statement I could make should the worst happen. It could be used as evidence against all those doctors who had told me that I wasn't ill and that the problem was all in my head. It was a scary time and some of my earlier blog posts are very angry and desperate.
To begin with I tried to keep my personal life separate from my blog to give myself some anonymity. However I found this created a disconnect between myself and what I was writing. I felt I couldn't be honest and be the passionate person I am without you the reader getting to see me, the writer of this blog. So slowly I started letting my guard down and letting the readers of my blog get to know me a bit better. You can't empathise or understand a person unless you know them.
As time went on I realised I wanted the blog to be more than just about my health. I wanted to encompass other subjects that would be of wider interest to people within the world of chronic sickness and not just those suffering with EDS, Pots and dysautonomia.
I have been blogging a lot recently as my health has been so poor that I can not do my normal activities. Sitting (or in my case lying in bed with the computer on a lap tray) at the computer / tablet and letting off some steam and thinking about writing has helped me get through this difficult period.
So I better answer the question as to where I get the ideas for my blog posts.
Some come from my life as in what new medical struggle I maybe facing at that time, some come from conversations with friends ( my blog post on friends and chronic illness came from a friend and two different peoples stories on two different Facebook groups which were literally posted within hours of each other) , others come from suggestions that my mum makes ( usually she asks me something and as I am explaining it to her I think wow that would make a great post!) Some come from reading other peoples blogs, reading their posts sparks an idea in my head for a subject. Some come from my memories recent or long ago. And weirdest of all some come to me in dreams. It seems currently after an 18 month hiatus my brain is back in blogging mode.
I really need to start carrying a notebook with me wherever I go - which is mainly around the house. The number of times I will be having a conversation with my husband and then suddenly think "oh that would be a great post" and then five minutes later realise I've forgotten it is getting frustrating! Usually the really good ideas stick in my head, they get me animated straight away and whenever I can I am thinking about them and trying to think of the right way to approach the subject.
Once I have an idea in my head, I start having a conversation in my head about it. I like discussing the idea with myself and seeing where it takes me. I know this sounds completely crazy but it keeps the subject alive in my head. Then when I feel happy with the subject I start to research it, if its a topic that needs better understanding or some basic fact checking. Sometimes I look at other peoples blogs and see what sort of things they have written about on the subject. If its something medical I will research information about it and find good items I can provide links for. Sometimes its a subject that doesn't need any research (like this post) but these are few and far between.
Blogging is so much more than just typing words onto a page. For me its an escape from chronic illness and a way to express myself. Writing has become again to me as important as breathing. Although I only post twice a week - Mondays and then Thursday or Friday, I write most days. Either for future blog posts or editing / refining the ones that are already written.
My blog posts can take hours to write, which is something my husband really doesn't understand! He doesn't "do" reading and only saw my blog properly in the last few weeks. I do know that he is incredibly proud of what I am doing, even if he has never read it. I will chat to him about what I am writing about, he never complains that I take time out to write and he is very encouraging, always asking how many views my blog has received that day.
With the first draft of my blog post, I just let the words tumble all over the page, random paragraphs with random thoughts dotted all over the place. I am queen of tangent land - I am forever going off on one! I like to quickly get down whatever is in my head and then have a break from it for a bit.
The second draft I look at what is working and what isn't and if I have actually addressed the blog post theme or if I've gone off on a tangent. If the tangent is good and needs to be included I then work out a way to get it to link to the subject. This is then followed by another break.
Third, fourth, fifth drafts ( and possibly more depending on the subject) is about moving paragraphs around, changing things I am still not happy with and improving the flow of the post. Throughout the whole process I am constantly looking for errors and I never ever manage to spot them all. I hate it when I am really pleased with a post and its been published and then I see an error. Its horrible and happens far more than I would like it to.
The thing I struggle with the most is blog post titles, a lot of the subjects I am dealing with aren't that "sexy" so it can be difficult to come up with something that will catch peoples eyes when they are doing a Google search. Sometimes a post will have many different titles before I finally settle on one that I like. On occasions though it is whatever I can come up with before my deadline to publish. Some work, others don't. I am not a professional, I don't have an editor or anyone helping me write my posts this is a one woman outfit.
Once my new blog post has been published I then have to try and raise awareness about it. I do this through my facebook page www.facebook.com/pages/The-Myasthenia-Kid/205747292968956?ref=hl and my personal twitter account @kidmorris, I am also on google+. All this takes time and effort but a day "pushing" a blog post every few hours really increases the number of views it receives. I can get a bit fixated on the number of visits my blog receives. I have noticed that on the days I publish there is a big spike in views, which is music to my ears as it means my story is getting out there and I may be able to help others who are also struggling to get a diagnosis.
Currently I am trying to work at least one blog post ahead so that if I have a few rough days my blog can carry on without any input from me. This has been particularly important this month with a hospital stay coming up (fingers crossed that the bed is available) on 8th April (this is being written at 6am on the 7th April) and I have no idea what shape I am going to be in afterwards. As stated at the top of this blog post my hospital admission has now been moved to 14th April.
So that's how my blog posts come about if you were curious! As soon as I am able I will update you with how my octreotide trial went.
Monday, 7 April 2014
Ocetreotide Trial
On Tuesday 8th April 2014, I am being admitted into the local hospital for a trial of the drug Octreotide. To say I am a little nervous would be an enormous understatement. Anyone who has read this blog for a few years will know that the local hospital and I don't have a great track record.
From around 2009 - 2011 I had been diagnosed without my knowledge with somatoform / conversion disorder. My tilt table test on 21st January 2011 was going to be my last ever test on the NHS, if it had come back negative I would have been referred to the Mental Health services.
I can't say 100% if somatoform / conversion disorder is what I had been diagnosed with. I've seen reference to it in one letter - a copy of which was sent to me. I'm guessing that my Dr had found it when he looked through my notes prior to us meeting in 2011. Having brought it up with my GP, it was never expressly acknowledged but it wasn't denied either. My GP is the sort of doctor that if you said something that was inaccurate he would put you straight, especially when challenging something another doctor had said. So I know some reference was made to my health problems all being in my mind.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conversion_disorder this link explains it better than I ever could.
My care at the hands of the medical professionals that I came into contact with between 2009-2011 changed dramatically. Before I had been treated as any patient would expect to be treated, professionally, courteously and with an interest in how I was doing. After 2009 things changed dramatically, all the staff I came into contact with were cold and would barely speak to me. They gave me the least amount of help they could get away with, even going so far as refusing to treat me when I had low vitamin B12 and the haematologist informed them I needed treatment as I was symptomatic. For sufferers of conversion disorder etc medical professionals believe they have to stop providing "care" as it fuels our need for medical attention. My care since 2011 and getting both my POTS and EDS diagnosis has been back to normal, caring professional and courteous.
I've seen my hospital notes from this time and its not a nice read. There are medical observations written in them but there are also personal attacks on my character and on my family which serve no medical purpose at all. I was devastated when I read them and these were the version which they believed wouldn't damage my mental health.
http://www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/1309.aspx?CategoryID=68&SubCategoryID=160
In the UK your doctor decides what you can and cant see in your medical notes. The neurologist I had been under since 2007 declined to allow me to see anything he had written about me in the 3 years I was in his care. It makes you wonder what he was hiding and why?
So hospitals now fill me with a great deal of fear. Even when I see my consultant who treats my autonomic dysfunction, I can never completely trust him. I've already had a couple of doctors be nice to my face and then write absolute rubbish about me in my notes. When you've seen this first hand its very hard to trust people in the medical profession as you are just waiting for it to happen again because previously 99 times out of 100 it happened.
I spend every hospital visit waiting to be told that the doctors have changed their minds, I don't have autonomic dysfunction and that all the care I have been provided with since 2011 will evaporate. I suffer with terrible anxiety before any trips to my outpatient appointments, it causes sleepless nights and for me to shut down and become uncommunicative, such is the psychological damage the previous doctors have wreaked upon me.
As you can imagine the prospect of two days as an inpatient is causing the old anxieties to surface. If its bad now ( the time of writing this post is Wednesday 2nd April 2014) what the hell am I going to be like by Tuesday (8/04/2014)?
When the hospital letter arrived confirming the dates for my admission the first thing I checked was which ward of the hospital was I being placed on. If it had been the ward I had previously seen so much of, I would have cancelled there and then. There is no way on earth I will ever go back to that ward. Thankfully I am being admitted to a ward I have never heard of. There is a remote possibility that I will come into contact with my previous medical team, I can live with that and that's what MP3 players are made for!
I don't know what the drug trial will involve so I can't really tell you much about it. The drug I will be trying is called Ocetreotide
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Octreotide and it is injected subcutaneously ( under the skin). I am imagining there will be at least one tilt table test to check if the drug has worked or not ( another thing I'm not looking forward to as my health has been in the toilet since the last one). I have bought some lucozade to take with me as at the last tilt table test http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tilt_table_test my consultant forgot to bring some. Luckily we had brought some with us knowing how busy my consultant can be! So I will also be coming prepared this time. They like doing the tests with lucozade as this gives the most dramatic results in people with post prandial hypotension. http://heartdisease.about.com/od/syncopefainting/a/Postprandial-Hypotension.htm
The first day of the trial is to see if I can tolerate Ocetreotide, if I cant the trial will be aborted. The second day, if I have tolerated it and the tilt table test confirms that it has reduced or got rid of my symptoms, will be spent learning how to inject myself. Once they are happy that I can do that I will be allowed to go home and then the fun may begin with getting the local care commissioning group to allow the drug to be prescribed to me as a) the cost and b) its being used off label. So even now I don't know if I will be coming home with the drug if the trial is successful or if I will have to see if my GP will be allowed to prescribe it. Talk about jumping through hoops!
I've included a few links in this post so that you can find information easily should you wish to find out more.
Obviously I will update you in future posts! Of course my admission to hospital depends on whether or not a bed is available so I could be worrying myself sick over nothing!
***quick update Monday 7th April I received a telephone call to say the trial has been moved to the 14th April. **
From around 2009 - 2011 I had been diagnosed without my knowledge with somatoform / conversion disorder. My tilt table test on 21st January 2011 was going to be my last ever test on the NHS, if it had come back negative I would have been referred to the Mental Health services.
I can't say 100% if somatoform / conversion disorder is what I had been diagnosed with. I've seen reference to it in one letter - a copy of which was sent to me. I'm guessing that my Dr had found it when he looked through my notes prior to us meeting in 2011. Having brought it up with my GP, it was never expressly acknowledged but it wasn't denied either. My GP is the sort of doctor that if you said something that was inaccurate he would put you straight, especially when challenging something another doctor had said. So I know some reference was made to my health problems all being in my mind.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conversion_disorder this link explains it better than I ever could.
My care at the hands of the medical professionals that I came into contact with between 2009-2011 changed dramatically. Before I had been treated as any patient would expect to be treated, professionally, courteously and with an interest in how I was doing. After 2009 things changed dramatically, all the staff I came into contact with were cold and would barely speak to me. They gave me the least amount of help they could get away with, even going so far as refusing to treat me when I had low vitamin B12 and the haematologist informed them I needed treatment as I was symptomatic. For sufferers of conversion disorder etc medical professionals believe they have to stop providing "care" as it fuels our need for medical attention. My care since 2011 and getting both my POTS and EDS diagnosis has been back to normal, caring professional and courteous.
I've seen my hospital notes from this time and its not a nice read. There are medical observations written in them but there are also personal attacks on my character and on my family which serve no medical purpose at all. I was devastated when I read them and these were the version which they believed wouldn't damage my mental health.
http://www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/1309.aspx?CategoryID=68&SubCategoryID=160
In the UK your doctor decides what you can and cant see in your medical notes. The neurologist I had been under since 2007 declined to allow me to see anything he had written about me in the 3 years I was in his care. It makes you wonder what he was hiding and why?
So hospitals now fill me with a great deal of fear. Even when I see my consultant who treats my autonomic dysfunction, I can never completely trust him. I've already had a couple of doctors be nice to my face and then write absolute rubbish about me in my notes. When you've seen this first hand its very hard to trust people in the medical profession as you are just waiting for it to happen again because previously 99 times out of 100 it happened.
I spend every hospital visit waiting to be told that the doctors have changed their minds, I don't have autonomic dysfunction and that all the care I have been provided with since 2011 will evaporate. I suffer with terrible anxiety before any trips to my outpatient appointments, it causes sleepless nights and for me to shut down and become uncommunicative, such is the psychological damage the previous doctors have wreaked upon me.
As you can imagine the prospect of two days as an inpatient is causing the old anxieties to surface. If its bad now ( the time of writing this post is Wednesday 2nd April 2014) what the hell am I going to be like by Tuesday (8/04/2014)?
When the hospital letter arrived confirming the dates for my admission the first thing I checked was which ward of the hospital was I being placed on. If it had been the ward I had previously seen so much of, I would have cancelled there and then. There is no way on earth I will ever go back to that ward. Thankfully I am being admitted to a ward I have never heard of. There is a remote possibility that I will come into contact with my previous medical team, I can live with that and that's what MP3 players are made for!
I don't know what the drug trial will involve so I can't really tell you much about it. The drug I will be trying is called Ocetreotide
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Octreotide and it is injected subcutaneously ( under the skin). I am imagining there will be at least one tilt table test to check if the drug has worked or not ( another thing I'm not looking forward to as my health has been in the toilet since the last one). I have bought some lucozade to take with me as at the last tilt table test http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tilt_table_test my consultant forgot to bring some. Luckily we had brought some with us knowing how busy my consultant can be! So I will also be coming prepared this time. They like doing the tests with lucozade as this gives the most dramatic results in people with post prandial hypotension. http://heartdisease.about.com/od/syncopefainting/a/Postprandial-Hypotension.htm
The first day of the trial is to see if I can tolerate Ocetreotide, if I cant the trial will be aborted. The second day, if I have tolerated it and the tilt table test confirms that it has reduced or got rid of my symptoms, will be spent learning how to inject myself. Once they are happy that I can do that I will be allowed to go home and then the fun may begin with getting the local care commissioning group to allow the drug to be prescribed to me as a) the cost and b) its being used off label. So even now I don't know if I will be coming home with the drug if the trial is successful or if I will have to see if my GP will be allowed to prescribe it. Talk about jumping through hoops!
I've included a few links in this post so that you can find information easily should you wish to find out more.
Obviously I will update you in future posts! Of course my admission to hospital depends on whether or not a bed is available so I could be worrying myself sick over nothing!
***quick update Monday 7th April I received a telephone call to say the trial has been moved to the 14th April. **
Frankie!
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