What are your aims with this appointment?

For a while now I have been moaning that my neck is sore / hurts / agony, take your pick. Last week I had blood tests to see if I was suffering from nutritional deficiencies and that is what was causing the numbness / pins and needles in my arms and face. Today I finally got to see a doctor. It was a long wait as with hubby's hours it is easier if I can book an appointment on his day off, rather than have him come out of work and take me. It was actually getting the appointment to have my bloods taken that took the time to organise. It would appear Tuesday is a popular day. I then had to have the doctor's appointment a week later. As luck would have it my neck actually wasn't too sore today, the day I would finally see the doctor.

As this appointment was needed quickly ( although three weeks was three weeks too long really) I decided to take pot luck. I usually try to see the same doctor so there is some continuity of care and they have a basic idea of what is going on. However I was feeling very let down after my appointment in July where my neck pain was put down to stress. Now I was under a great deal of stress at the time mum had been diagnosed with cancer and there were other things going on in the background. So it would be an easy diagnosis to come to but even then I did come away from the appointment thinking I really should have been examined before this was written off as stress. It makes me worry that if I saw that doctor with chest pain that again it would be written off as stress when I could be having a heart attack. It's not a nice situation to be in when you doubt your doctors clinical judgement. They are supposed to be the experts and be on your side, yet when you get written off as a basket case due to stress, it makes you not want to fight. Which is what I should have done because maybe I wouldn't be in as much pain as I am now.

I will be the first to admit that yes I have been having some mental health struggles this year due to losing Willow and so many close friends and family in such a short space of time. I also went through a great deal of stress in the summer. I understand completely that mental health issues can manifest as physical issues. Yet the diagnosis of stress or anxiety or depression should only be given after an examination to check that there is nothing mechanically wrong. That didn't happen during my appointment in July and I am angry about it. I am angry at myself for not asking the doctor why he or she felt that my symptoms of numb hands and neck pain didn't warrant an examination. I understand that doctors especially gp's are under enormous pressure, especially with health budgets being slashed, Don't believe what the government tells you when it says its spending more in real terms its less money and our health service is drowning because of it. Just to make sure if this government stays in power when it suggests privatisation people will believe its the only thing to save our NHS and people like me will have no access to healthcare as we won't be able to afford the insurance premiums. That's my political rant over, I don't do politics very often here but it needs said.

Anyway as usual I went off on a tangent, it makes me really angry when doctors are lazy and use a mental health diagnosis against a patient, which I feel is what happened to me in July. My notes say I am being treated for anxiety and depression, my mother has just been diagnosed with cancer so of course my physical symptoms are a manifestation of that. See how easy it is for a doctor to disregard real symptoms? The sad thing is people with anxiety and depression don't have the energy to fight that kind of lazy doctoring. That was the position I was in then. I was happy to go along with what the doctor said because I trusted them. I am angry because they disregarded the Hippocratic oath of first do no harm. By brushing off my symptoms of stress they left me open to harm. I could have been suffering from a nutritional deficiency like B12 deficiency, a blood clot, vasculitis   a pinched nerve. However that doctor would never know as they were convinced it was stress and an increased dose of amiltriptyline would do the trick.

Today I was dreading my appointment, my mind was racing, was I going to be dismissed again as being stressed? Or would this doctor take the time to examine me?  I know doctors make mistakes and they are only human but a friend of mine almost died from meningitis after a doctor didn't examine him. His wife found him unconscious in their home. If she hadn't  come home early from work he would have been dead. I had worked out through google and the fact that I have an ounce of common sense that the numb / pins and needles in my arms and face were being caused by a pinched nerve. Stress does not disappear when you put on a soft neck collar. Armed with this information plus the discharge notes from 2016 that contain the radiographers report from my MRI which says I have reversed cervical lordosis. I was ready to do battle and push for a diagnosis.

Why is it when you are prepared for a fight you never get one? Is it because you are giving off the don't fuck with me vibes? I don't know. This doctor examined me, so thoroughly that I have been in an awful lot of pain for the remainder of the day. I can't complain about that at least this time I was taken seriously. However something they said really threw me, after they examined me they asked " and what are your aims for this appointment?". I have to say this really threw me, looking back now I wish I'd said " well my aim is that I get a fucking diagnosis, after all you're the doctor". But I imagine that wouldn't have gone down well and I may be looking for another healthcare provider if I had. But seriously what kind of question is that? That's business speak and that has no place in an NHS doctors appointment. Why ask that question? Had I not had years of experience as a manager I may have found myself at a loss for words. Why do most people go to the doctors? To get help? Support? Advice? A diagnosis perhaps? Did they think I was going to say " I want you to wave a magic wand and make my pain go away?" Did they think after years of dealing with doctors that I would have unrealistic expectations? I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome I have learnt to expect nothing from a doctor other than a shoulder shrug at best. As you may be able to tell this question " and what are your aims for this appointment" has really bloody annoyed me.

I was expecting at some point they were going to ask me to complete a PDP ( personal development plan) with SMART objectives Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Targets. Or maybe they would have me complete a Root Cause Analysis so we could get to the bottom of what was triggering my neck pain. You see I did 18 years of bullshit management speak. To my shame I taught this shit to up and coming managers in a previous life. It has no place in the NHS as I am a patient not a customer, it has no place in an appointment because all I expect in an appointment is for the doctor to do their job. I have no idea what you will suggest because I am not a mind reader, I thought perhaps you might say I need an X-ray or an MRI or maybe even physio but all I wanted from you was a plan. I don't know what your other patients want from you but from this patient to you please stop asking that question or think of something else to say. I get that some patients may come in expecting top-notch state of the art care like they see on Holby City  / Greys Anatomy/ any other popular hospital drama and your job is to manage unrealistic expectations. I don't and that question has really annoyed me ( no shit Rach, I can hear you all saying!).

Now some of you may think that I am over reacting to this innocent question but to me it was a loaded question. I don't doubt that this doctor had my best interests at heart, they after all discovered that I have altered sensation in my left arm and areas of complete numbness, they also have given the diagnosis of a pinched nerve in my neck. Which was the same conclusion I had come to. To me the question could be one asked by someone trying to figure out what the bare minimum is that they will get away with providing . Call me cynical but after having to do battle with numerous doctors over the years I know that cost is coming into clinical decisions more and more. It can't be helped when the purse strings have been tightened so much that even targets for patients with cancer are being missed by the majority of NHS hospitals. If  my aim was to have my pain reduced that's a quick win as they could give me a prescription for pain meds, if I wanted a referral to a spinal surgeon then my expectations would have to be managed and ( as I know) physio would have to be tried first. As it is I want to avoid surgery on my neck at all costs. To me the risk are just too high, that unless I am completely incapacitated by pain,  it's not an option I want to go for. 

Having seen a spinal surgeon before I know they like you to try all options before you go for surgery and I am happy with that. Physio treatment in 2014 or 2015 meant I avoided a spinal fusion. I know that without having jumped through that hoop any referral to see a surgeon would be rejected by the hospital because all non surgical routes had not been explored. 

I have declined using the NHS physio team as unfortunately they are utterly useless when it comes to dealing with people with EDS. The last NHS physio I saw was supposed to be an expert on the condition and I could have written what she knew about EDS could have been written on the back of a postage stamp. She became totally fixated on my wheelchair, so none of the exercises were there to help the problem I was seeing her for but more to get me walking rather than using a wheelchair. I use a wheelchair due to the fact I faint without warning which leave me at a serious risk for a head injury, I also dislocate my knees, hips, ankles and spine when I walk more than a few metres. I also develop bursitis in my hips if I walk too much ( too much being more than a few metres). I had to give up walking my dogs in 2008 as I kept waking up on Woodbury common bleeding not knowing what had happened to me and the dogs wandering down the path in front of me. Thankfully the doctor I saw today was horrified at this physios dangerous fixation and agreed with me that preventing head injury and pain was imperative. Someone who was supposed to be an expert in EDS and PoTs should have known that. Hence why I am incredibly sceptical as to who gave this physio the title of an EDS expert because I have more knowledge than they do.

So I am going back to the private physio I saw in 2014 and had fantastic results with. It is incredibly expensive but I am hopeful if anyone can help me avoid spinal surgery Jane will. I hate using private instead of the NHS but I am afraid NHS appointments are too rushed. I need longer than 15 minutes, I need someone who will work with me and will admit that they know nothing about the condition rather than pretend they are an expert. It also means I wont have to travel 30 minutes to an appointment which will exhaust me before I even get there. Or the unrealistic expectation that I can go three times a week, when I don't have a driving licence and can't manage public transport alone as my wheelchair is attendant pushed how am I supposed to get there? Because I am a paying customer there I am  treated in a much better way and they understand that there us a life outside of the health service something which some NHS staff struggle to understand. I am incredibly lucky that I am in the position where currently I can afford to pay for private treatment but it will still put a strain on my finances.

So I wonder what will be the next go to question at any future gp's appointment? As long as it isn't "and what do you want me to do about it?" I think I'll cope!

Abuse

Last week I finished the post by telling you all how excited I was that I was going to get out of the house for the first time in months. We did get out and on the whole is was a nice trip out but there were a few incidents that occurred whilst I was out of the house that shocked and upset me.

Over the last 9 years I have been pretty lucky in the fact that no one has abused me in the street for my disability. My sister, friends and acquaintances have told me about their experiences at the hands of Joe public and some of it, well all of it has been truly shocking. Until yesterday I felt like I was in a protective bubble, maybe others saw me as I saw myself, a strong and confident woman. Yesterday made me realise that some people only see the disability or my wheelchair and everything after that doesn’t matter. They don’t care about your disability because as far as they are concerned you are a big fat fake. Yesterday’s events have shaken me to the core.

Hubby and I decided to take a trip to Exeter our nearest big city. In the past and I have to say if I am honest yesterday as well, we have always been impressed on how much people help us with simple things like opening doors or wrangling children that are determined to run in front of me. So I wasn’t concerned with being abused for being unfortunate enough to use a wheelchair. I had heard horror stories from others but they hadn’t taken place in Exeter. We had some gift vouchers to spend and there were a couple of shops we wanted to have a look around. It wasn’t anything special just some time together with the dogs being looked after by a friend.

The first hour of our trip was uneventful, I am not going to name any of the shops where incidents occurred because they have no control over the general public's behaviour.  As we approached a checkout in the first shop, there was a woman being served. We loaded our things onto the belt and waited to be served. Hubby turned to me and said “Do we need bags?” to which I replied “no I brought some with me”. As I spoke to him the woman customer stopped packing up her shopping and then looked me up and down. The look was of disgust, there was no smile or anything else for me to confuse her emotion with. She looked at me as if I had just taken a giant turd at the bottom of the conveyor belt. I brushed it off, this woman was the one with the problem not me. I don’t know what it was about me that disgusted her. It could have been the wheelchair or it could be that is how she looks at every stranger. I can’t say I was treated any differently because I was disabled but it made me uneasy. This had never happened to me before…..ever, pre disability or post. The woman left without saying a word and we got on with the business of packing and paying for our shopping.

We wandered around a few more shops and after an hour or so I needed the toilet. There is only one disabled toilet (that we know about) that isn’t confined to either genders, which means that Jay can come in with me or help me get into the bathroom. When the disabled toilets are part of a female block I can’t use them as I can’t maneuver my wheelchair adequately enough in tight spaces. Once in I wouldn’t be able to get back out again. Of course this toilet happens to be on the top floor of the store and the stairs are a no go, I’m not into extreme sports.

We patiently waited for the lift to arrive. When it did inside there was one heavily pregnant  woman the other woman had a pram. We made our way towards it and one of the women inside the lift turns to the other and says “Oh we’ve got the wrong floor” and shuts the doors on us. Again I can’t say that this was down to the wheelchair, I think it was mainly down to selfishness and ignorance. I am really annoyed now, so as the lift door was closing I shouted “cheers love!” in a sarcastic passive aggressive British way.

The next lift arrived swiftly and we hopped (well obviously I didn’t) aboard. We arrive at our floor and Jay pushes me towards the disabled toilets. Guess who we bump into ? Yep pram lady. She is blocking the access to the disabled toilet. She was much more helpful this time ( and also blushing) she told us the disabled toilet was in use but there was a family bathroom around the corner. Unfortunately that was engaged so we trundled back to the disabled toilet at the exact same moment her friend the heavily pregnant lady comes out.

I could have gone mad, shouted, sworn but I didn’t. You see she could have had a disability and be using the disabled bathroom for legitimate reasons. Who am I to judge? When I first got sick, I didn’t actually look sick, I was walking unaided etc. There was nothing that just by looking at me that would tell you I was disabled, obviously now the clue is the wheelchair but even then people still think that you are faking such is the hostility towards disabled people in this country. I was angry though because if she had been selfish enough towards me at the lifts then I really wouldn’t put it past her to use the disabled toilet when she didn’t have a disability.

I had been dismayed at the treatment I had received but I shrugged it off. People are selfish / weird sometimes and I wasn’t going to let it ruin our day out as they are so few and far between. We decided to leave the city centre and make our way over to a retail park on the outside of the city. We planned to browse at a couple of stores but our treatment in the first store meant our trip was cut short as I was too upset to continue.

We had heard a lot about this discount store and were looking forward to having a nosey around. Hopefully picking up a few household bits, nothing very exciting. We spent about 30 minutes in the store and it had been a successful shop. I had picked up a new curtain rail for my bedroom, plastic pint glasses for our summer party, dish brushes (which have become like gold dust for some reason), as you see nothing very exciting but I had got to pick them out and make decisions for a change. The checkouts weren’t very busy and when the customer in front of us had finished I manoeuvred  myself down to the end of the checkout so that I could pack our shopping.

I should have realised we were in for a rare treat when the cashier didn’t even acknowledge our presence. As an ex checkout manager I know that customers should be greeted. A simple “hello” is not too much to ask. We were met with stony silence so we just decided to let that slide, thinking maybe the cashier had, had a shitty morning. Jay stood in front of the cashier as he was holding the curtain rail so that she could scan it as it was too bulky to make her put on the belt. As he also has experience with checkouts he likes to makes things easy for the cashiers. He held it up for her to scan, which she did but there was no acknowledgement or thank you. Yeah you can tell she went to an expensive charm school!

As I said earlier in my previous life I was a checkout manager, customer service was very close to my heart. I also know quite a bit about a checkout design but I won’t bore you with the details apart from they are designed for both the operator’s and the customers ease of use in mind. So if a checkout is designed without a back belt, it is made so the cashier naturally places the items after they have been scanned towards you. To place them anywhere else on the belt uses extra movement and twisting which if done repetitively is bad for the operators back, costing the company a lot of money in repetitive strain injuries claims. So I am not your average customer who knows nothing about how these things work.

Our cashier obviously had a problem with me / my wheelchair / my disability as with each item she moved it further and further away from me. So that I was reaching over the metal lip (at the back of the checkout that stops your goods falling onto the floor) and right across the back of the checkout. As I was packing an item I looked up but not in a way that was obvious, to see the cashier lift an item that she had already placed on the back belt (it’s still called that even when there is no back belt) and move it further away from me again, smirking to herself as she did so. I was stunned, initially I just thought she was an ignorant sod and clearly lacking in the common sense department but now I had just witnessed her deliberately moving an item. I was stunned, shocked into silence. Jay paid the woman and then grabbed the item that I had been unable to reach. It wasn’t until we got to the car that we spoke.

Jay had also seen the cashier deliberately move the item. Initially he thought that maybe the item hadn’t scanned and she was going to try again. Then when he saw her move the item further away from me, he realised what she had been up to. He had hoped that I hadn’t seen her do this but by the time I got to the car I was already in tears. We were both fuming. We just couldn’t believe that someone could do that to another person.

I was too cross yesterday about what had gone on to talk about it much. I also didn’t want it to overtake the whole of our day and ruin it. This morning though I was angrier than ever. I found our receipt and I emailed the company with the cashiers operator number, checkout number and the time we went through the till. Obviously having a retail background really helps in this situation as I know more than the average shopper.

I also posted about it on my own Facebook page and understandably people were outraged that someone could be so vindictive and malicious. I have so far refused to name the store where this occurred as I want to give them 7 days to respond. If they don’t respond I will write to them, if there is no response after that I will turn to social media. I don’t want the operator sacked but I do want her disciplined and informed that this behaviour isn’t acceptable. I don’t care what she thinks about people with disabilities outside of work but she needs to realise that in work she is representing the company she works for. Her actions have consequences and If I am unhappy with the company's response I will not let it drop.

I thought that I was too old and wise to let myself be affected by this kind of childish behaviour but I have to say it really has knocked my confidence. I feel now that when I leave the house in future I will have a target on my back and will be abused again.

I am also angry that I didn’t say anything at the time but I just couldn’t believe that another person would think treating me that way was ok. I felt humiliated and degraded in a way that I have never been before. I have always been so sure of myself, my nickname at school was zippy as I was so gobby, people wished I had a zip on my mouth (like the character from the children’s TV show Rainbow). I hope that by making a complaint now rather than letting it go will prevent others being mistreated at this woman’s hands.

Disabled people have spending power and it would be foolish of any business to allow this kind of medieval attitude to disability prevail.

Everyday sexism

  Sexism and sex discrimination is believed by many to rarely happen these days. We pride ourselves as a society as being more educated and more accepting than ever before however I believe the reverse is true. Things that were common before the Sex Discrimination Act was enacted are on the rise and going unchecked. I don't know if this is a backlash against the perceived threat of feminism or if it is just that people know that its victims rarely if ever speak out about it? 

Sexism and discrimination exists throughout society. There is no area of life where women are not confronted by it. Medicine is an area where women are regularly subjected to outdated attitudes. On my long journey to get a diagnosis it was suggested to me that. I was feigning my illness because I was jealous that my sister was having a baby. The fact that my husband and I had chosen not to have children was never even asked about. It was assumed because I was a woman I wanted a child. Due to the doctor being unable to discover what was wrong with me my symptoms were written off as psychological. 

Females wait for longer for a diagnosis than their male counterparts in many areas of medicine, even in areas in which women are three times more likely to suffer from a condition such as autoimmune diseases. Medicine has been traditionally taught looking at the male anatomy only, in this small article here a doctor goes on to explain that women are much more than just "boobs and tubes". Diseases affect men and women differently however this area of medical research still has its detractors. Men and women get sick in different ways and present in different ways as this article shows. 

If we constantly exclude 50% of the population how can we advance as a society. I am not about burning bras, although you will know from a previous blog post I did set one on fire accidentally recently! I don't believe that men are anti-women but too many of our put downs are gender based. We are told to "man up", "stop acting like a big girls blouse", "put your big girl pants on", "stop being a girl". These phrases reinforce that men are strong and women are weak. Men are praised for their work, women are praised for their looks. It is so culturally ingrained in us that even those of us who fight against it use such phrases and repeat the same patterns without thinking.

A good example of our acceptance of everyday sexism is our own Prime minister David Cameron, whilst at Prime minister's question time he told  Angela Eagle MP to "calm down dear"? Would he have said the same to a man? I am sure the campaign by the media showing us thinner and thinner female celebrities is a campaign for women to disappear in a puff of smoke.  A prime example of unattainable body types for women here from an advert that has been banned in France, in an article from The Guardian.

Having watched the TV series Mad Men, initially was horrified to see the sexual harassment / sex discrimination the women portrayed had to put up with. I have heard many TV commentators say how good it is that things have changed with the implementation of the 1975 Sex discrimination Act which made it illegal to treat women in the workplace any differently from men. I hate to break it to you but discrimination on the grounds of sex is still alive and well.  All too often sex discrimination goes hand in hand with sexual harassment. I believe sex discrimination  and the sexual harassment of women in the workplace is a widespread problem. Which is much under reported. Even less reported is the sexual harassment of men by women.

Sexism / sex discrimination is not confined the workplace but all over social media. Women on social media are being subjected to rape threats, threats of violence, even murder purely for campaigning on issues they feel passionate about. What is even worse is that some of the perpetrators of these threats are women. Why do so many people believe that discrimination / sexual harassment is ok?

The staff structure in Mad Men, where the majority of management positions are held by men and the occasional stereotypical  management roles are held by women, is the same structure of most businesses today. Women, still as a majority have the part-time roles and hold the stereotypical management roles, such as HR managers. It is slowly changing with more women becoming managers however the more senior and executive roles are still being held by men. It seems odd with businesses mainly employing females would have entire management structures made up by men. More men seem to be promoted from within than women, despite women making up a larger section of the work force. How is that possible, why are so many talented women being sidelined?

I never experienced blatant sexism until I joined the workforce age 16 as a Saturday girl. I was completely unprepared for the sheer scale of it and the way it was seen as acceptable by the older more senior members of the work force, who were both male and female. There were around 15-20 Saturday girls when I joined my place of work. My eyes were soon opened to the way the male managers conducted themselves. I had believed naively that this kind of behaviour was a thing of the past.

There was a married predatory manager that liked to stalk the young female members of the work force in the warehouse where they would be alone with essentially no witnesses. Luckily one of the girls I had made friends with warned me about his antics straight off. He would pursue each victim in turn, he was basically looking for an  extramarital affair, he did not realise he was a topic of conversation in the canteen, his actions laughed at. He was as us young girls called him a sad old man. He had a thing for redheads and blonde's, Jane (name changed to protect her identity) fell into this category as did I.

Unfortunately one of my jobs on a Saturday morning was to process the waste that had accrued from the night before. It meant I spent a fair amount of time alone in a dimly lit section of the warehouse where "Peter" liked to lurk. Peter tried it on with me a few times, I was lucky as I managed to rebuff his amorous advances. Jane had not been so lucky and was starting to feel physically sick at the thought of his advances. She would actively avoid wherever possible going into the warehouse. Due to our age, inexperience and the unapproachability of the senior managers, none of us reported his behaviour to the higher up managers. We had mentioned it to a supervisor (female), who told us we were flattering ourselves and should stop encouraging him. Jane left shortly after having had one too many encounters with Peter chasing her through the building. 

This wasn't the only sexual harassment I was subjected to in the workplace, whilst still legally a child. This time it was much more serious leaving me frightened to go to work and being caught alone with the perpetrator. I managed to pluck up the courage to speak to a member of the management team (male) who I felt comfortable with, who immediately took me to the HR managers office. I told them what had been happening, I was told not to be alone with him and to stop encouraging him. Victim shaming went on even then, it couldn't be that this man was just a sexual predator who preyed on young girls / women, it had to be our fault for egging him on.

The older I got the worse the sexist behaviour became, when I moved to another branch I found the behaviour there even worse. During my first day there I heard myself being discussed by two males, I never did find out who they were. The conversation went as follows "have you met the new manager?" to which the other male replied "yeah", the first male then said " I can't imagine why she's been hired". I was really disgusted by this but what could I do? It was the first day of my new job, I didn't want to rock the boat. 

It would only get worse, when at my tea break later in the afternoon I was asked by a senior management trainee "if my cuffs matched my collar?". I had never heard that expression before, simply because no one I knew was that vulgar or crude. I had to ask them what they meant, to which they explained that they were asking did my blonde hair on my head, match my pubic hair. I was horrified, this was my introduction to the branch and already I was not being judged on what I could do but how I looked. I am ashamed to admit I laughed along with it, there were other older females present in the group and not one of them stood up for me, it was just accepted as "banter". Banter doesn't make you feel physically repulsed, however having already overheard the earlier conversation, I realised the attitude towards women was widespread throughout all levels of staff. The older women brushed it off as boys will be boys. It made me think do you ever hear the expression girls will be girls?

During my tour around the building I was shown inside a large fridge and hanging from the ceiling by a noose was a naked Barbie Doll. I asked the person showing me around what this was, having never seen anything like this in my life, not even at my last place at work and was informed "It's the department mascot". Every member of the management team knew about the "mascot" but no one did anything about it. Yet displaying pornographic pictures of women was against company policy. Unsurprisingly it belonged to the manager who had asked about my cuffs and collar. I quickly realised that women were seen as conquests and there to be ridiculed. Company policy was seen as very black and white, Barbie was not a picture therefore had not fallen foul of any company rules.

Within the first six weeks of being there I discovered a blatant case of sex discrimination. A woman was carrying out exactly the same job as a man, covering his holidays and working unsupervised was being paid a lesser amount than her male counterpart. She had been performing this job for years. Should she had wished to take the company to an employment tribunal, she would have won.There was no reasonable defence  or excuse for this situation other than it was a cost cutting exercise. When I raised this with my boss (male) I was made to feel like I had done something wrong. I was told I was deliberately causing trouble and not to tell the woman involved that she was being paid less than the man. It was the woman who had raised it with me. She had informed many managers over the years but no one had taken any action. With the bit between my teeth I relentlessly pursued this, making enemies left right and centre. In the end she was awarded the same rate of pay but the cheapskates refused to give her any of the back pay she so rightly deserved. I am sure there were many other cases of this going on, whether it was a deliberate case of sex discrimination or just keeping the cost of the payroll down, it can not be excused.

There were so many incidents over the first few years of working there that I started to become immune to it. I gave as good as I got but as the youngest member of the management team I shouldn't have had to. My male boss should have been stopping it, he condoned the behaviour by doing nothing about it. As is usual with people like that due to being able to turn a blind eye he was promoted and moved on.

I was told that my role was purely ornamental by a senior manager , asked to tell another male manager what colour the bra I was wearing was before he would give me vital information for me to be able to perform my job. I was propositioned for sex on more occasions than I can remember. This was all seen as appropriate behaviour, when sexual advances were rejected the atmosphere could become hostile, suddenly faults were found with my work, documents were stolen from my in-tray and emails were mysteriously deleted. I knew that shagging around would lead to my advancement (I was told often enough) but I have never been that type of person.

Things slowly started getting better as the old guard moved on, promoted obviously. There were still occasions where I could be floored by the attitudes of male staff. A few months before I got married I was asked in all seriousness by a senior member of the management team as to "when are you fucking off and having babies?". The female heavily pregnant manager sat beside me laughed at this. I was outraged and told him that what he had just said was wholly inappropriate. I was also asked by another member of the management team a month or so before my wedding if I "wanted one last fling?" 

This kind of behaviour isn't flattering, I didn't return home and tell my soon to be husband I was so happy to be sexually propositioned again at work. I found to my cost it was pointless complaining about these managers behaviour due to the treatment I had received when complaining about it years before. You were made to feel that you had encouraged it or worse still you were flat-out disbelieved and told you weren't that attractive. I was told by a female manager that she couldn't see how I was being sexually harassed as she was far prettier than me and it wasn't happening to her.

I have been out of the workforce for seven years but have kept in touch with co-workers. I regularly hear of women being asked questions that wouldn't be asked if they were a male employee or being discriminated against due to their gender. We may in the UK have a law in place to prevent these things from happening but if there is a culture of fear due to an economic downturn and managers who do not take such complaints seriously then a business will never truly know how many incidences are taking place as they are not being told about them. 

It is frightening to stand up against sexism and discrimination. I am not naive enough to believe that only women are sexually harassed. Just this week there has been an article in The Telegraph, where bar men are refusing to wear Kilts, as they are fed up with women lifting their kilts up. It's not banter if it makes someone else feel uncomfortable and image the uproar if a woman complained that male customers were pulling their skirts up. As the manager of the establishment says if this was done to women the man would be arrested for assault, women are rarely arrested for doing the same thing. Levelling the playing field does not mean treating men the same way they may have treated women in the past. It means treating everyone with dignity and respect, remembering if you would find the treatment unacceptable it is not acceptable for you to do it to someone else. It also means if a woman commits the crime of sexual assault (which putting your hands on someone else's genitalia is) the complaint is taken seriously. 

Today I have watched a phone in debate regarding the safety of the HPV which in Japan was stopped over safety fears. Cases of adverse reactions are starting to be featured in the National Press. I fear that these adverse reactions are not taken seriously due to it being young females who are the one's suffering. The reactions have included developing PoTS, Chronic Regional Pain Complex along with many others. The Dr on the phone in programme dismissed out of hand the connection to the vaccination despite the girls becoming ill within weeks of receiving it. He also had no idea about PoTS claiming it was just a fast heart rate. It left me thinking if it was young males having adverse reactions would their suffering be dismissed in the same way?

p.s sorry if this post seems like a rambling mess, I am really struggling with brain fog / fatigue currently.

"well if you're that f**king disabled get off facebook and take up knitting".

The title of my post will become clear as you read it. I apologise in advance for the language but I feel it has to be repeated here. The abuse that was hurled at me on facebook needs to be set in context so I apologise profusely for the preamble.

I have recently experienced some firsts the likes of which as a disabled person I had never experienced until a Sunday in May (2014). I have lived in fear of this kind of abuse for quite sometime now. Of course I have heard the horror stories about various forms of abuse the disabled encounter either on line or out in public but so far in my life I had been pretty well sheltered from it.

As a disabled person (7 years of professional experience under my belt) I know that many of the disabled community live in a constant state of fear when out in public or on line. Some have developed social phobias or agoraphobia such is the state of fear for them when outside the relative safety of their home.

 Since the coalition government took power in 2010 our lives  (the disabled) have got worse. It seems to be open season on the disabled in this country and this is being fuelled by the right wing media. It seems the disabled are nothing more than the whipping boy for this complete shower of .......(you fill in the blank) that are currently in power. The disabled are seen as scroungers, who fake their illness and take your money (the taxpayer) because they are too bone idle to work. 

Let me point out I would love to work, to get out of the house and socialise like a normal human being, its just I am yet to find a profession where I can carry out my job role lying down (there is one but I'm loath to get into the sex trade!).

The fact that these "scrounging scum" may have actually paid into the system during their working lives seems neither here nor there as far as the right wing press / political parties are concerned and the vitriolic bile they spew. If you are taking money from the state you're a scrounger. 

What the general public, who are being brainwashed by this message seem to forget is that the majority of people in this country would be classed as scroungers under this political mantra - Child Benefit, Child Tax Credits, Housing Benefit, Council Tax Benefit, DLA, PIP, ESA, the State Pension, these are all benefits being claimed by the same people who lap up the benefit fraudster stories in what passes for news these days. Yet all these people claiming these benefits seem to think their benefit claim doesn't count. It drives me mad that they can not see the wood for the trees.

And may god help you if you happen to be an immigrant and claiming benefit. The fact you may have had to leave your country due to a threat of bodily violence against you for being gay, speaking out against a corrupt regime or just being a woman, doesn't seem to matter to these people either.

I have been extremely lucky in the last seven years to not have my disability mocked or its extent disbelieved, on this particular Sunday in May that all changed. 

As usual I had asked a question of my friends on my personal facebook page not my The Myasthenia Kid page. The question was about some Morris Dancers that had performed in the town centre. I asked if it had made anyone else feel uncomfortable that they had performed with their faces blacked up. I will state here I am white, I wasn't trying to be all politically correct and Guardianista. I was asking a genuine question and I wanted to see how my friends felt about it. The discussion was a grown up adult debate that involved me researching on line during it to see what was the reason behind the Morris dancers being blacked up.

The question had been posted on late Saturday night, around 10pm and all involved had been very calm and everyone was respecting each others opinions. My view was in the minority which it occasionally is. Our town isn't very ethnically diverse so it was interesting to see if the answers corresponded to that. I imagine if I lived elsewhere in the country the answers would have been different. It was interesting and enjoyable, I love a good debate. I don't post these questions to be controversial and the people that are my friends know that I will ensure everyone remains polite and calm whilst discussing a subject.

I have posted numerous questions before to be debated however I will admit this probably was the edgiest yet. I have always tried to stay away from "controversial" issues when I ask a question, sticking to softer subjects like the length of school holidays or school cookery lessons etc.

Sunday morning was a different kettle of fish, a person that I am friends with for professional reasons (as in I have hired her on one occasion to do some work for me) decided to wade in both guns blazing. Her attitude was aggressive and she was determined to bully me into submission because my opinion differed from hers. She rattled off numerous posts, to which it became crystal clear she had neglected to read any of the comments contained within the debate. I kept pointing out to her what she was saying was factually incorrect and if she had read what had gone on the previous night she would realise what an arse she was making of herself. Obviously in my replies I wrapped it up a bit and wasn't quite so blunt. However once this keyboard warrior was set in motion there was no stopping her and she became more and more abusive and racist.

Anyone who knows me personally outside cyberspace, knows I will not apologise for feeling a certain way or holding a certain opinion. I asked her politely to stop being so aggressive and to stop reducing what had been a good debate into a playground slanging match but she continued. When it became clear to her that I wouldn't back down she posted 

   "well if you're that fucking disabled get off facebook and take up knitting".

I was so stunned by her comment initially I didn't know what to do. No one in the last 7 years has ever said anything so derogatory about my disability. I was in the midst of getting ready to out with my parents when she wrote that comment. I don't know what shocked me more the comment or the fact she is the mother of a disabled child or the fact that her child has mixed heritage.

When discussing it later with some of my "friends" they didn't think the comment was that bad and were confused by my reaction to it. I then asked them if it had been a racial slur would it still have been OK? The answer was a resounding no. So then I asked is it acceptable to make fun of disabled people or call them names like spastic, mongol etc? Again the answer was no. I then asked "do you now see why this was unacceptable to me?" I got a yes but I shouldn't have had to jump through hoops to get them to understand. 

If someone says something like "well if you're that f**king disabled get off facebook and take up knitting" firstly it makes me feel that she is questioning the level of my disability and secondly because I am disabled I am not "allowed" to be on facebook because thats for "normal" people. Which then in turn leads to the old fashioned belief that if you are physically impaired in any way you are also mentally impaired. This kind of thinking left a whole generation of bright physically impaired young people languishing in special schools which believed they would never progress beyond basket weaving. 

Thats why that sentence was so offensive to me and it should be to anyone who is disabled. I have a voice and I will use it. I will not be bullied or shamed into leaving something or somewhere because I don't fit into this trolls version of a "normal" person.

I like to credit my friends with some intelligence, their political views may differ wildly from my own but life is made up of so many different beliefs it would be ridiculous not to have friends that thought in a different way from you. What makes me sad is that they have bought into the propaganda being spewed out by this government. Where it is becoming socially acceptable to abuse disabled people. The police in this county have reported for the first time a rise in hate crime against the disabled. We have reached a tipping point and nobody but those affected by it seem to have noticed.

I know many of you have faced far worse abuse but this was the first time it had happened to me. Looking at it now I can see yes it was abusive but on the scale of things that have been said to others its pretty insignificant. At the time it didn't feel insignificant, it wounded me deeply, that someone that I "knew" could say those things to me and harboured those deep seated feelings against the disabled.

Deeply upsetting as her ignorant comment was I decided it wasn't going to ruin my day out. I felt at the time (and I still feel) that the best course of action was to delete the Troll and her comments. I have heard from other writer friends that Trolls are best dealt with by ignoring them or neutralising them. I couldn't leave my facebook page open all day for her to post her hateful messages that were not just against the disabled but were racist as well, when I would not be able to respond to them for hours.

So leaving the upset at home, I ventured out to a local supermarket, my first trip out of the house since before Christmas if you exclude hospital / doctor appointments. I was very nervous whilst I was out of the house as where I live is a small town and it was possible that the Troll could be shopping there as well. Thankfully there was no sign of her.

Whilst at the till, my mother had parked me up whilst she unloaded the trolley. I was sat there minding my own business, when I saw a woman making a beeline for me. I had my sunglasses on so I had a really good look at her as she approached me in case she was someone I really should recognise. She came closer and closer towards me and without a word put her hand on my arm rest and leaned right over me to pick something off a shelf. I sat there in stunned silence, my presence had been completely ignored by this woman and I had been reduced to just a fixture or fitting. Had I not had the run in with the Troll that morning I would have grabbed her arm and told her "excuse me!" however as I was feeling so vulnerable I didn't.

I couldn't believe that this had happened to me that the simple act of me being in a wheelchair had reduced me to the position of non human. I thought afterwards maybe this woman was equally as rude to the able bodied people around her. I will never know but to be reduced to nothing more than an extension of a shelf in the supermarket knocked the wind out of my sails. Especially when I was looking so gorgeous, having made a real effort to be glamorous for my trip out of the house. ( sarcasm alert - if you missed it!).

My sister has told me many stories of people climbing over her to get into lifts / toilets before her. How in pubs she has been called a "spastic" or worse. Its never happened to me, I've been very lucky. My exposure to the outside world is limited, a lot of my life is lead in cyberspace. I thought I had surrounded myself with "nice", decent people, who accepted me for who I am. I was wrong and that hurts too. Having met the Troll twice she seemed nice enough. However you never really know what's lurking underneath with some people until you get into an argument with them and then all their subconscious thoughts come flooding out.


I guess under this government and IDS its just going to get worse and I better get my big girl pants on ready to do battle. I certainly won't be taking up knitting!

What to do if you suffer from discrimination/bullying/harassment at work

So many people suffer at the hands of bullies in their working life that if it was all reported there would be a national outcry. Being sick or disabled does not protect you from being discriminated against, harassed or bullied. It can happen in so many subtle ways that you may not even fully realise what is happening to you until its too late, signed off with stress, demoted or moved to a role that isn't suitable for you.

Discrimination, bullying, harassment can be so subtle that when you try and make a complaint about it you start feeling like you are making a fuss about nothing. Its not until you start writing all the events down that you see the bigger picture and what an enormous campaign of abuse you have endured.
http://www.jfo.org.uk/info/new/index.htm This is an excellent site that outlines what bullying in the workplace looks like. For many people that I have shared this link with in the past it has been a real eye opener.

So many people I have spoken to over the years have all said the same thing "I didn't realise it could happen to me", "I thought I was liked", "I thought I did my job well". Discrimination, bullying, harassment can happen to anyone, no one is immune to it. It has such a devastating impact on the individual it is happening to, it literally wrecks lives.

Since leaving work I have had a lot of people ask me for advice about employment law, disability discrimination, bullying, harassment, so I have decided to put a blog post together with some basic advice and some links to some excellent websites which will give you further information.

I am not a professional in this field, I have had to learn about this subject. In a previous life I worked in the human resources department of a large company, so have seen both sides of the situation. Please use my basic advice in conjunction with that of a professional eg a union representative, citizens advice bureaux or an employment law solicitor. If (in the UK) you have legal protection as an added component of your home insurance you can access advice through their legal team, they will if your case is good enough and it hasn't been resolved through your employer's internal procedures, take it to an employment tribunal.

A case being good enough to go and then go onto win at a tribunal rests entirely on the evidence that you are able to provide. The same can be said for bringing a complaint / grievance forward to your employer. As with a court case or a police investigation the word of just one person isn't enough to prove a case and this is why a lot of people fall at the first hurdle, they have no evidence.

A case can not be proven by hearsay it needs to be backed up with documentary evidence and witness statements. Witness statements are a nightmare to obtain as your witnesses, most likely will be intimidated by the situation and will not want to openly support you by providing evidence. So unless you have a signed witness statement in your hand forget about it. What you need is documentary evidence to support your claim that you are being treated unfairly / discriminated against. Documentary evidence can take the form of a diary where you've noted down things that have been said or done to you, performance reviews, meeting notes, objectives that have been set for you.

Unfortunately when you are being bullied, undermined, discriminated against you become so beaten down, that you lack the energy to get up and start fighting back and that is how the perpetrator wins. When you are in the situation you can get so used to continually trying to keep yourself afloat in a sea of unreasonable demands, criticisms, derogatory remarks and policies / procedures not being fairly implemented, that you can't see what is happening to you or you are just so terrified about losing your job that you daren't stick your head above the parapet.

When a problem arises in your work life my first piece of advice would be to try and resolve the issue informally. Many situations arise out of miscommunication or a poor understanding of an issue, by approaching the person who you are having an issue with, you can sometimes nip the issue in the bud before it escalates. You do have to have quite a bit of courage to do this and many people are unwilling even to speak to the person due to their fear of confrontation. If that is the case take someone with you when you make contact with them, be it a colleague or a union representative. Ask the person if you can speak to them privately as you have something you wish to discuss. It is important that if you carry out this step you make a note of the date, time and who was present at the meeting, you may need to refer back to this in the future if this situation isn't resolved. A meeting of this type can be carried out regardless of the persons job role within the company, so a manager or a person as the same grade as you. Its important that you document the fact that you have asked the person to stop their unacceptable behaviour towards you.

In the case of physical violence / intimidation / sexual harassment it may not be "safe" for you to approach the individual. Always assess your safety and if you decide you are putting yourself at risk of further violence / sexual assault just go straight to the next step below.

If the person refuses to discuss the situation with you or denies there is an issue and you feel that their explanation isn't acceptable (or it wasn't safe for you to approach the individual) you can opt to take a more formal approach by requesting a meeting with the persons manager or a member of the human resources department. Explain in your letter that you have approached the person involved (or haven't due to personal safety issues) but you are still unhappy about the situation. Also explain in your letter that you wish for the matter to be dealt with informally at this point. If you are a member of a recognised union you can ask for your union representative to be present at the meeting in a supportive capacity. If you do not have a union in your workplace you can ask if you can be accompanied by another member of staff. Having someone else with you serves two functions firstly they can support you and give you the courage to raise the issue and secondly they can act as a witness that the meeting took place.

(In some cases where your allegations are very serious as in the case of physical violence / sexual assault / harassment, racial harassment, disability hate crime the person you approach may decide to immediately make the process formal. Do not panic this is a good sign that they are taking your complaint very seriously.)

Always ensure you keep copies of any paperwork  / letters you submit and also note the date and time and who was present at the meeting for your records. Its important that you start creating a paper trail to prove that you have raised the complaint should you have any issues further down the line. Keep all paperwork outside your workplace in a safe place so that it doesn't become mislaid. Never use your complaint as a source of gossip, do not discuss the issues with anyone other than your union / employee representative. If word gets back to the person you are complaining about or higher up it can make you look unprofessional and immature and therefore ruin your credibility. Keep everything confidential because believe me in these situations you do not know who you can trust.

If any notes are taken at this meeting - which any good employer should do so that both parties have a record of what was discussed and what the outcome of the meeting was, ensure you receive a copy and that all parties have signed them for proof of accuracy and of the subject matter / outcomes discussed. Once in receipt of the notes take a copy, so that if you lose them you have a back up and also ensure you take them out of your workplace and keep them with any other paperwork relating to your complaint. Again keep all paperwork confidential and do not discuss it with anyone.

If you are unhappy with the quality of the note taking, important points have been missed or what you have said has been incorrectly noted then tell them and do not sign the notes until they have been amended. Amendments should be initialled by you and the person who took made the notes and amended them, so that if someone looks at them in the future they can see that the amendment was agreed and the notes were not changed by you at a later date!

Give the person you have had the meeting with a reasonable amount of time to investigate your complaint. Everyone sees a reasonable amount of time differently, at your meeting ask for a date for a future meeting so that you can be updated. Ensure your request is written in the notes with all parties agreeing to the date and time. For me a reasonable amount of time would be no longer than four weeks, less if it concerns just one individual. If you have had no follow up meeting after a month send a letter to the person who is conducting the meeting (keeping a copy for yourself) letting them know that you consider the length of time taken to conduct their investigation is unreasonable.

The follow up meeting to discuss their findings and a plan of action on how to resolve the situation should be held before four weeks have elapsed. In a perfect world this should be enough to resolve the issue and restore harmony to your working environment. Even if everything is resolved keep hold of the paperwork relating to your complaint. Things in the workplace can change very quickly, a reshuffle of a management team, a change in contractual terms and agreements can quickly throw a spanner in the works and your signed paperwork for reasonable adjustments, a resolution to a bullying/ harassment/discrimination complaint is your insurance policy, that the company will have to stick to.

Some companies like to hold the meeting to discuss your complaint and then bury it hoping that it will go away. They do this by not holding the follow up meeting because they haven't actually completed an investigation. Its one of the oldest tricks in the book and don't fall for it. Ensure you chase up the meeting (keeping copies of your letters). I would send no more than two letters, one to the person conducting the investigation and then if you get no response within 7 days, send the next one to their manager outlining your complaint, the date your informal meeting was held and that you now believe that the outcome of their investigation has never been provided to you and its taking an excessively long time. If at this point you get no joy, do not give up. You are creating a good paper trail which shows that your complaint has not been taken seriously, so the next few paragraphs will explain what to do next.

Everything that I have written about so far is about resolving issues informally however sometimes no matter how hard you try this approach does not work. Do not blame yourself if this happens, unfortunately in life you come up against people who despite being aware of your disability will make no allowances for it or that they are so used to being a bully / harasser and have always got away with it they do eventually revert to type or your complaint is buried / ignored. Remember you didn't ask for your disability, you didn't ask to be bullied or harassed and if you made a complaint you have every right to a resolution.

When you've tried to resolve things informally and it hasn't worked there are two options open to you, put up and shut up ( not an approach I would advocate, as it will do you no good in the long run) or make a formal complaint. Every company in the UK has by law to have a Grievance procedure. Many people are terrified of the grievance procedure as they feel that it will mark them out as a troublemaker and then their lives will be made a misery. To those people I would ask isn't your workplace a miserable place already due to the treatment you are receiving? How much worse could it possibly get before you will lodge a grievance?  Nervous breakdown ? Demotion? Dismissal?

http://www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=1670 this website gives a quick overview of the grievance procedure and how it should be handled by your employer.
www.gov.uk/solve-workplace-dispute/formal-procedures this gives you a brief overview of the law and has some great resources you can download.
http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/wales/work_w/work_problems_at_work_e/dealing_with_grievances_at_work.htm gives some good advice and pointers as to where to get help.

To lodge a grievance with your employer all you need to do is write to them stating that you wish to exercise your right to lodge a grievance. Usually grievances fall under different categories eg health and safety, contractual and discrimination. In your letter keep it brief, factual and unemotional, just outlining what category you feel your grievance comes under. There will be plenty of time for you to give all the details of your complaint when your grievance is investigated. At this point do not discuss anything informally or off the record as it could be used against you. If you are unsure as to what your company's grievance procedure is include in your letter (grievance) that you would like a copy of the procedure so that you can refer to it in the future. Do not disclose any documentary evidence you have in your possession at this point, this can be taken with you to the investigatory meeting.

It is also helpful in this letter to explain what would be a resolution to this situation. Many a complainant has been thrown off course completely when asked at the investigatory meeting how they wish the situation to be resolved. Your ideas about the resolution to your complaint needs to be seen as reasonable, putting "I want him / her sacked" maybe what you want but isn't at all helpful. At the end of the day your employer will decide if the individual has breached company policy and needs to be dismissed. Your resolution should state the obvious that you want the behaviour to stop, you feel that the manager /  the individual / your department is in need of training / retraining on a particular subject (disability discrimination, codes of conduct) and that you want a harmonious working environment. Above all the resolution should be a positive statement about how you see things moving forward. Having the person /persons sacked is on the top of everyones wish list but keep those thoughts to yourself. It looks much more professional if you anticipate this question and have given it some careful consideration.

If you have got to the point of lodging a grievance, your paperwork trail should be quite impressive. It should include your diary detailing when meetings were held and who with, the diary should also record any derogatory comments that were made / actions taken against you etc these entries should dated and a note made of the person responsible. Any meetings that you have attended such as performance reviews ( you should ask for a copy of these for your own records), attendance meetings when they happened and what was discussed - copies of notes signed by all present. Any written requests that you have previously handed in such as a request for a meeting about reasonable adjustments www.gov.uk/equality-act-2010-guidance, or informal meetings to resolve the initial complaint before it escalated. If you can obtain witness statements get them,  however these are notoriously difficult to obtain as people fear for their own jobs and what if your grievance is not upheld and you all have to continue working with the perpetrator?

Along with the paperwork it's also good to have a copy of your contract (especially in disputes about terms and conditions) a staff handbook if your company is large enough to have one, your training record and any other work related paperwork. If you have things like customer letters stating how lovely you were when dealing with them, include those as well as they can help in performance issues.

Your employer should acknowledge your grievance by writing in a timely manner, I would say no longer than seven days. Some companies state in their staff handbooks how quickly they will acknowledge your grievance. If they do ensure that they stick to it (unless the person you have sent it to is on holiday or off sick, it maybe a case of then sending it to someone else within the department or their manager), if it means sending another letter to chase up their acknowledgement of your grievance do it and keep a copy of your letter for your evidence file.

Contained within the letter of acknowledgement should be an outline of the grievance procedure plus a date and time of a meeting (investigatory) to hear your complaint. If your workplace has a recognised union, the letter should inform you that you are entitled to representation or an employee representative and you will be asked to arrange their attendance. At all times both parties should keep this information confidential.

When you attend the meeting it's important to have a clear idea of what you want to say. Its important that you try to remain calm and focused. It is very hard not to become emotional because you have probably endured weeks / months/ years (in some cases) of poor treatment at the hands of one or more individuals. Only refer to things that you know as fact and not hearsay however you can suggest that they speak to other individuals who you believe may have also been subjected to the bad behaviour.

Ensure that your evidence file is in order, make a copy to give to whoever is investigating your grievance - never hand over original documents ( that's why I always advise people to make at least two copies of any documentary evidence). Only give them a copy of your documentary evidence and not your notes for the meeting. If you can, have your evidence linked to your notes so its easy to reference the information and ensure the investigators copy mirrors your own. Don't expect to be able to read off a crib sheet as you will be interrupted by the investigator, as what appears crystal clear to you, wont to them and you may need to go into more detail to help them understand the issues.

The investigator is not there to judge you or take sides, they are there to listen to your complaint. Don't expect any warm words of encouragement they should remain impartial. If you feel that they are taking sides tell them calmly. Don't get angry and don't get flustered ensure you know what you are going to say and what the evidence backs up, like the back of your hand before this meeting. Ensure that you and your representative are singing from the same hymn sheet and they know the points you want to raise. The employee representative / union representative can also bring up points you may have forgotten in the heat of the moment.

If you feel yourself becoming flustered or you become emotional ask for a five minute break so that you can calm yourself down and refocus yourself. A reasonable investigator will agree to a break and the break and the time the meeting is reconvened should be recorded in the meeting notes.

Under the intense scrutiny of the investigator, who is usually a few pay grades above you, you can find yourself intimidated. A key thing to remember is that they are a human being too, who eats, sleeps and shits just like the rest of us do. They hold no special powers, its just a fancy job role. If you remember that, you can talk with confidence about what has been happening to you.

At the end of the meeting you should be informed that an investigation will be taking place and given a date of when they would like to appraise you of their findings. Ensure you read the notes of the meeting carefully and any mistakes are corrected before signing. If a copy of the notes isn't offered ask for them, you are entitled to have them. Again do not keep these notes at work, ensure they are placed with the rest of your complaint related paperwork.

Usually companies have written into their grievance procedures how long it will take before you have your next meeting. If however due to the number of people that need to be interviewed or key personnel are out of the business due to holiday / sickness the time can be extended by mutual agreement and this should also be confirmed in writing. You may also be called back to be re-interviewed to gain more information. The same rules apply you are allowed your union/employee representative to be present and notes must be taken etc

The next meeting should be to confirm whether or not your grievance has been upheld. If it hasn't they should explain clearly the reason why they believe the person(s) have no case to answer. Remember that you have the right to appeal this decision but there is usually a strict time frame in which to do so. If your grievance has been upheld, they then need to discuss with you what they feel the resolution to this situation is. Again if you aren't happy with the resolution you have the right to appeal the decisions.

Hopefully after all of this your grievance has been resolved and you are happy with the outcome. Each company has its own appeal procedure. If you are unhappy you need to keep appealing until you have exhausted the companies policy or you have reached a satisfactory resolution. Only once you have exhausted the company's appeal procedure due to being unhappy with it not being upheld or unsatisfactory resolutions, should you consider going to an employment tribunal and that is getting into areas that I am not qualified to talk about.

Tribunals like to see that the complainant has done everything within their power to resolve their complaint with the company. The £1200 fee now introduced to lodge a tribunal is enough to focus the mind to try and get the situation resolved. Once at this stage you need professional advice from a solicitor to help you navigate through the tribunal system or if your union has been supporting you they may provide a solicitor or your home legal protection (home insurance) may do so.

Obviously its not always possible to exhaust the grievance procedure within your company as they may ignore your grievances, in the hope that you will go away. In this situation it's important that you have all your paperwork in order to prove you did everything you could. Keep raising in writing to them that your original grievance has not been heard in the XX amount of time that you first made them aware of your request to lodge a grievance. Again don't just send your letter to the person that you sent your grievance letter to but also send copies of your letter to their boss and even their bosses boss if you need to.

The most important thing to remember is that if sexual assault, physical violence, verbal threats, racial hatred etc have been committed by the perpetrator you are entitled to call the police. People have this crazy notion that when they are at work you can't call the police. Of course you can, your workplace doesn't exist in a bubble outside the law of the land. No one can prevent you from calling them if a crime has taken place.

Sorry this is such a long post but it is something I am passionate about. People really need to start arming themselves with knowledge and stand up for their employment rights. No one should be working in fear of being discriminated against, abused, harassed or victimised.