Dembe

I don't write about Dembe all that often on this blog, mainly because he has his own blog. However this last week has been a roller coaster of emotions. I always try to share as much as possible with my readers ( and thank you for reading!) whilst holding back a little so I have some privacy. Dembe is a huge part of my life and is my baby boy. So you can imagine the emotional turmoil I was in when he had to go to the vets all day. It has had a knock on impact with my health, leaving me exhausted, several migraines and generally feeling well below my usual level of shittiness.

 On Wednesday last week ( 29th September ) Dembe had to go to the vets for the day to have some X-rays taken of his front legs. Dembe has had an intermittent limp for a few months this year and conservative measures of rest and pain relief were just not working. He was also showing signs of being stiff when he got up after being laid down for a while. All things we should not be seeing in a dog that isn't even three yet.

Dembe had to have both legs x-rayed, 3 different positions for each one and to do this he would need to have a general anaesthetic. We really didn't want him to have to under go a G.A but we had done all we could and we needed to know what was going on with him and that he wasn't in pain.

Mr Myasthenia Kid dropped him off at the vets at 08.30am and so began the longest day of our lives. We were told that we should hear something by 2pm and that if we hadn't we should give them a ring. Jay caved at 13.50 as he needed to know Dembe was ok. We found out that he was fine and that he had been out for a little walk and  had been to the toilet. We were told the vet should ring us back in an hours or so.

The vet rang back around 90 minutes later and if it was actually possible those 90 minutes seemed longer than the whole of the rest of the day. Sadly she told us that Dembe has bilateral ( both legs ) Elbow Dysplasia, - you can find out more about ED here. The vet told us that his left leg is more badly affected than his right. However both legs are only showing very subtle changes on the x-rays. The  x-rays will be sent to an orthopaedic specialist who will provide us with their expert opinion.  The good news was that there were no bone fragments floating around the joint, so he wouldn't need any immediate surgery. As the condition was discovered early treatment will be conservative management, getting his weight down, physiotherapy and hydrotherapy. He will adore hydrotherapy as he is a water baby, as any self respecting Labrador is!

I have never been so glad to see my baby boy in all my life. He really wasn't with it when I saw him walking down the car park. Everyone kept telling us what a lovely boy he is and they thought it was so sweet that he had come down with his blue dinosaur. The vet nurse talked us through after care and said he would probably be out of sorts for 24-48 hours. She also told us that there was a risk of him having diarrhoea as that was a side effect of one of the medications he had been given. They had also given Dembe's nails a trim. She said that he doesn't like his legs or feet being touched, I said no doing his nails is a two person job! 

When we got home I said to Jay do you think he wants to go around the block but Dembe made it clear that he didn't want to by going straight into the house and jumping on the sofa with his carrot.

 

Our little space cadet was really out of it.

Dembe had a really awful time after the general anaesthetic. He cried solidly for 24-36 hours, only stopping when he slept, briefly! Or when he was eating or out for a walk. He had awful diarrhoea as a side effect of the medication he had been given. As he won't go to the toilet in the garden this meant Dembe had to be taken around the block frequently. Poor Jay was out at 9pm, 10.30pm, 1.30am, 2.30am and 5am on top of the frequent trips around the block during the day.

The crying went on through most of Thursday, just a little whimper constantly. It was clear looking at him that he still wasn't fully out of the G.A. His eyes were like saucers. I was very relieved when his natural treat box arrived and he was very interested in it. The chewing broke up the crying.

 He had a huge hairy cows ear to chomp on and that cheered him up.

He was so sad and pitiful it was heartbreaking that we couldn't comfort him. The first time he was really happy and started looking more like himself was when he had a present delivered from his Auntie Beverley. She had sent our beautiful boy a Turtle toy. He wagged his tail like mad and was so happy he paraded it around the bedroom!

That was the first time we saw a glimmer of the Dembe we know and love since he had come home from the vets.

 

He was still having diarrhoea on Thursday during the day so I had to ring the vets and get him some stuff to soothe his belly. The vets advised us that it might take 24-48 hours to resolve.

Dembe was a lot better Friday still a bit whingey but we had longer spells between cries and he spent an awful lot of time sleeping.

As you can see from the photos his eyes are totally different and he is fully present.

By Saturday he was completely back to normal!

Yesterday (5th October) our vet rang us to give us the details of the report the Ortho Specialist had written. The specialist concurred with our vet, that Dembe does have bilateral Elbow Dysplasia. We were given 3 options 1) CT scan to provide  more detailed images and then from what they show form a plan, this would involve another general anaesthetic, 2) Open up both elbow joints - arthroscopy have a look inside with a camera and see what is going on, obviously this involves another general anaesthetic, 3) manage conservatively with hydrotherapy & Physiotherapy using pain relief when needed. Mr Myasthenia Kid and I had already discussed this at length before we saw how Dembe recovered from anaesthesia and had decided on avoiding surgery if both vets concurred that the joint is showing subtle changes, which they did.

The vet talked me through the things that we can do at home, so any slippery floors need to be covered up as much as possible with rugs. Well all our downstairs rooms are laminate flooring, I had already ordered some runners to cover large sections of the floor to stop him slipping. Upstairs the bathroom and Mr Myasthenia Kids bedroom are also laminate flooring, so I will need to get a small rug for the doorway in Jays room. The bathroom already has bath mats down. So we were ahead of the vet with actions we could take, as we were with the next few suggestions.

The vet told us to start him on joint supplements, we started him on Golden Paste last week. I made up a batch for him and he is really enjoying it. I have also got coming some green lipped muscle extract and some salmon oil. Both highly rated as supplements for dogs with joint problems. I just hope I can get him to take them! He is such a fussy animal.

We also need to get his weight down to the skinnier side of normal as this will put less strain on his legs. So we are actively trying to get his weight down, going on how he looks rather than weighing him at the vets.

Exercise, he can no longer have professional dog walks. He can no longer walk for longer than 25 minutes at a time, during that time he can't chase after a ball or play with other dogs both activities he loves because we can't risk a fracture of the elbow or making his joints worse. I am so sad for him, I can't lie I hid in the bathroom last night for a bit and just cried and cried.

Dembe has been referred for Hydrotherapy so we are awaiting the physiotherapist to get in contact with us. This will be used to strengthen the muscles around his joints and protect them in the long term.

So last week was very full on with all the stress surrounding Dembe and what they would find in the X-rays. Dembe has been very clingy since he was in the vets for the day. But he is walking much better and is no longer as stiff as he was getting up from a lying position, that makes us happier with the decision we have made regarding conservative management.

Stress, migraines and other sh*t!

 I have had a good few days over the last week with no headaches turning into migraines until this morning. Every night though I still wake up and have to change my pillows several time to make my neck and back of my head comfortable. More often than not I end up sleeping without any pillows. Something I haven't done since I was 18-19 when I had neck issues then. The problem is with being that flat I then quite often wake up with back pain between my shoulder blades. If I prop myself up I end up with back pain in my lower back. If I could just find the one sleeping position that allowed me to sleep through the night without any pain waking me up that would be fantastic.

I can't really complain though after the years of insomnia I suffered from around 2008 until 2016 when I was given Melatonin. Back in the bad old days I would only sleep between 2 -4 hours a night for two nights then on the 3rd night get no sleep at all. On the 4th night I would sleep 12 hours and then feel absolutely terrible, almost like I was drunk without the fun part. I did absolutely everything I could to get to sleep, lavender sprays, lavender sachets in my pillows, not using the TV or phone in my room, all without any success. This cycle of so little sleep had a very bad effect on my mental health and my pain levels. Everything felt heightened, my pain could be off the scale frequently and my emotions were all over the place.

This 4 day sleep cycle would just repeat over and over. I would occasionally get six hours sleep which would be a treat. The most frustrating times were when I would drop off to sleep and then two hours later wake up and that would be it for the night. I existed on cigarettes and mugs of tea. Usually one of the dogs would keep me company and they would swap over so that they all did a few hours each. Even now if I get up in the night I am accompanied by Dembe. He will either sleep right beside me, like he is doing now as I write this blog post or he will sleep on the sofa opposite to the one I am on, so he can watch my every move.

Dembe the Labrador is curled up on the sofa, the MG Kids leg is in frame along with her Chromebook, which is open on her lap.

I cleared this morning' migraine quite quickly with a dose of Sumatriptan. However due to the stormy weather ( we have a weather alert for heavy rain and thunderstorms until this evening ) the top of my head feel's like it is in a vice and being squeezed so hard my eyes feel like they are going to pop from the sockets. For as long as I can remember I have had headaches when the weather is stormy. I feel a bit cheated though as friends over an hour away have had massive thunder storms. Mr Myasthenia Kid's mum rang us to check we were ok as where she lives they have had torrential rain and copious amounts of lightening. We have had a few showers and currently the sun is shining. It is very humid so I haven't bothered sorting out my hair. It will stay straight for 30 seconds and then frizz. There is no point wasting any energy on it.

This will sound completely bonkers but I am quite a private person, despite the blog and talking about all manner of things. There are things I keep private because they involve other people or because I just don't want the sympathy vote. Sometimes I am still processing stuff in my head and just don't have the energy to deal with the questions that writing about an issue will cause. Things are really stressful here at the moment, we never seem to get a minute to catch our breath. But we keep going like everyone else does because the world doesn't stop just because you are having a shit time.

There are several issues going on but the one that is worrying me most at the moment is Dembe ( and this was probably the source of the migraine this morning). On and off for a few months poor Dems has had an intermittent limp. Not an obvious one, one that unless you knew what you were looking for you wouldn't know it was happening. We had him at the vet's last month to be checked out and the vet couldn't observe it in him, isn't that always the way. He was put on some medication a it was hoped that perhaps it was a soft tissue injury that needed some rest and some anti inflammatory medication would help. Within a few days he was doing so much better and no more limping. As a precaution we cut his walks with the dog walkers right down to the bare minimum, ensured he didn't do anything too physical. Sadly on last Thursday the limp came back, I still had pain medication so I gave that to him. The limp settled and then on Monday was back again.

I rang the vets on Monday evening and got Dembe booked in for an appointment the following day. Mr Myasthenia Kid took him to the appointment as they only allow one of you into the building at the moment due to Covid. This time the vet could see the limp and she gave Dembe a full check over. Since this limp started there has been no swelling, no heat coming off any of the joints in his leg and for the majority of the time his limp is very subtle. You actually have to watch his head as he is walking towards you, every few paces his head bobs down, that's how subtle it is. It is so intermittent that we and his dog walkers have been unable to catch it on video. So the next step is x-rays of both his front legs. The vet has checked his back legs and his hips are sound. Hip Dysplasia is a massive issue within the Labrador breed and we ensured both his mum and dad had low hip and elbow scores. We also stuck to the rules about not allowing stairs until he was old enough and also we stuck to the exercise rule of 5 minutes exercise per month old. However sadly Labrador's are also prone to elbow Dysplasia and no matter all the precautions you take with your pups sometimes shit happens and this could be one of those times. I am not too concerned as he is insured, so they will pick up the tab. It is the fact that he maybe in pain, that he has to go to the vets and stay there when he has only ever been left for 30 minutes with someone else in his life since he was 8 weeks old ( other than his dog walks).

Those of you who have followed my blogs will know about our first dog Travis who passed away shortly before his 3rd birthday. As a teenager we also lost a family dog when she went into be spayed as she was allergic to the anaesthetic a situation that was just tragic. For some reason with Dembe I have always wrapped him in cotton wool and my fear about him having to be sedated for the x-rays really has me on edge. Plus the fact that he is coming up for his third birthday has me freaked out. I know he isn't sick like Travis was but I am just paranoid about it. If you want to read more about the dogs we have had please use these links http://themyastheniakid.com/2014/10/30/the-dogs-in-my-life-part-one/ and http://themyastheniakid.com/2015/08/06/the-dogs-in-my-life-part-two/ . I need to write part three to cover Willow, Frankie and Mollies passing within 55 weeks of each other but even though it is several years on it is still just too raw.

I was much more chilled with the other dogs, than I am with Dembe. I have gone back to being like a brand new dog owner and going to the vet about everything! I did feel when we brought Dembe home I had completely lost my confidence and I was always terrified I was going to hurt him ( accidentally obviously).

So until the X-rays come back from the orthopedic specialist we will be none the wiser as to whether he has Elbow Dysplasia or a soft tissue injury or anything in between. If it is Elbow Dysplasia depending on how bad the joint is the treatment could be conservative, treating it when it flares up, reducing his weight a little etc or it could mean an elbow replacement. The thought of which terrifies me as the recovery period is 12 weeks of crate rest which he will go bonkers, quickly followed by myself and probably Jay. So for the moment all professional dog walks have been cancelled. He is allowed 25 minutes off the lead a day and then small lead walks as he point blank refuses to go to the toilet in the garden. He has had his pain medication increased and hopefully that is helping him. The vet constantly reassured my husband that she felt whatever the issue was it has been caught early so the damage shouldn't be too great.

Dembe is fine in himself, loving, affectionate, eating and drinking fine. He keeps wanting to zoomies in the house so I am having to think up games we can play that doesn't involve too much food and too much movement! He is pretty chilled most of the time and is quite happy to snooze. I just thank our lucky stars that he is no longer a puppy as he would be manic with the need to burn off energy.

So the migraine this morning was not unexpected as that seems to be my default setting when stressed and at least they have reduced in number since my whinge post.

HRT

 Good god I feel old, as of last Thursday night, I started HRT ( Hormone replacement therapy). I was put on it for a number of reasons but the main one was an attempt to get a handle on my migraines that have just spiralled out of control since March this year. Leaving me some weeks having 3 a week. I was feeling permanently exhausted by it all, some of it was the migraine hangover and the rest was the Sumatriptan that although stops the migraine in its tracks leaves me feeling drowsy for the next 24 hours.

I'm not the youngest person to be put on HRT, I know people who have been placed on it since their 30's due to premature menopause or surgical menopause ( post hysterectomy ) but I am a good 5 years below the national average of the onset of menopause which is 51 in the UK. So whilst I am 46 and amongst the first in my friendship groups to be placed on it, it is making me having to deal with the fact that the first flush of youth is well and truly over. Middle age is upon me and it is making me feel sad. 

The sadness has nothing to do with my fertility being over, that isn't something that has bothered me. Although I can understand why some women would be upset by this especially those who have entered menopause early before they had the opportunity to have children. I am lucky I don't feel robbed by it, just relief as my periods were just so painful they would dominate 14 days out of the month. I would get cramps up to 7 days before my period began along with tremendous amounts of water retention, I would have period pain for the whole time I bled and it would be at the same intense level throughout. The pains when I had them were so strong I could time the contractions of my womb ( one of the many reasons why I don't have children as if periods hurt that much the pain of having a child would kill me, no word of exaggeration). Having periods made me feel like a prisoner in my own body. I had asked repeated doctors to let me have a hysterectomy, all they would ever say was no because I hadn't had children yet. The best thing that ever happened to me was being put on the contraceptive pill cerazette which stopped my periods completely. I was no longer dictated to by my monthly cycle.

Since 2016 I have endured ever increasing peri-menopausal / menopausal symptoms. I started sweating really heavily at the slightest physical exertion after not really being a sweaty person. I noticed my natural body odour change as well and became paranoid that I smelled, despite Mr Myasthenia Kid and countless friends telling me it wasn't the case. Then out of no where I was hit with crippling anxiety. I have always been an anxious person but this was off the charts, like nothing I could fully explain. I felt like there was a tight ball of barbed wire in my chest and I carried it with me everywhere. I had a constant feeling of my heart skipping a beat in fear. Due to the level of bereavements we went through in a short period of time I put the ever increasing anxiety levels down to a response to the grief. My life felt like it was spiralling out of control. It wasn't uncommon for me to wake up at 1-2am in a full blown panic attack with absolutely no idea what I was panicking about. 

I would find myself in a cycle of  very unhealthy catastrophising thought patterns. I never looked for the silver lining only the absolute worse case scenario. I spent the first year of Dembe's life worrying constantly that he would die. There was no indication that this was going to happen, it was just a constant thought in my mind. I worried about him constantly. The worst thing was I couldn't share my fear because I was concerned that people would think I was deliberately trying to harm him or that I was just plain weird. It was a very lonely place to be and I feel like I missed out so much of that first year due to this irrational fear. I put my fear down to Travis, our first dog becoming sick at 6 months old and passing away just before his 3rd birthday. I also reasoned out losing Frankie and Mollie in quick succession had just made me hyper-vigilant and that it would pass. I would find myself waking up in the middle of the night just to check he was still breathing.

Carrying that level of anxiety day in, day out is exhausting. Especially when it is yours alone to bear.  That is why I can't get over the fact that with just a few doses of HRT (4 so far, I am writing this on Monday morning) that ball of barbed wire in my chest has gone. I have lost that feeling of everything being out of my control. My anxiety hasn't gone completely, I think I will always have some level of anxiety as that is who I am . I would be anxious if I didn't have anxiety! I am feeling much more relaxed and even Mr Myasthenia Kid has said there is a glow about me, something he hasn't seen for a very long time. He said the look of worry has gone from my face and I am back to being like the old me.

HRT hasn't been without side effects, had I known that one of them would be rampant diarrhoea - and I mean the time when it sounds like you have taken a piss out of your ass ( sorry if that is TMI but really I have been writing this blog for 12 years if you are only just offended where have you been?)I would not have started it on Thursday night when I was going to be travelling with Jay and Dembe to look at cars, with at least two 90 minute journeys. Thankfully I woke up at 5am so I could take many doses of imodium ( 8 tablets I ended up taking that day) to stop everything I had eaten form 1973 on-wards pouring out of me. Thankfully after the first day this side effect stopped. I had reached out on social media and asked if anyone else had suffered this side effect and a few people had. I also googled it and found that I wasn't alone with this symptom. Thankfully it did settle down after Friday and I have been fine since.

After the first dose I immediately felt different - well the next morning. Normally Fridays trip out to buy a car would have had me awake all night and feeling anxious and I felt none of those things. I felt reasonably relaxed and happy. Again another feeling I hadn't felt in a while, happiness. Whilst I hadn't been depressed, it was more like a feeling of being low / blue every day, I just felt more in the moment instead of caught up in my head . I even found myself singing which is something I haven't done a lot of for many years. For a couple of years I have felt like an imposter going through the motions of my life, now I feel like it is me. I am not having to pretend I am happy or that inside that I am not a simmering pot of anxiety and rage. Rage has been another symptom I have suffered from. I could and would just explode over the smallest of things.

I am still crying at the drop of a hat which winds me up no end. I only have to watch a slightly sentimental advert and the tears are rolling down my face. I have got into the Canadian series Heartland ( about a horse whisperer, her family and a horse ranch). I watch it most nights before i go to sleep as it is on Netflix and there are 13 seasons. I haven't watched an episode yet without crying at something. I seem to be lasting longer before the tears start, I am hoping that as my body gets used to the HRT * which could take up to 12 weeks, these tears will stop.

I am yet to know if the HRT will make any difference to my migraines, I woke up with one on Friday for the first time in ages. Normally I have been having them start in the afternoon with a classic aura. It could take up to 12 weeks for it to reduce  / stop my migraines. It could also not do anything at all, which means I may have to try different types of HRT to find the optimal one. I really am keeping everything crossed that at the very least my migraines are reduced if not stopped as the last 5 months have been very tough with so many days lost to them.

The hot flushes I was having have also reduced in severity since starting HRT 4 days ago. My hot flushes tend to go in cycles, sometimes they are awful every 20 minutes all day every day to the point my clothes are soaked through and I have to go and change. Filled with the paranoia that I am stinking of B.O due to the level of sweating. It got to the point this summer that I gave up drying my hair. There was just no point as the heat from the hairdryer and straightening irons would have me sweat so profusely that I would have to wait an hour to cool down before I could get dressed. I couldn't apply make up ( on the rare occasions I wore it) as it would just be sliding off my face due to the sweat running down in. When the flushes were at there worst it would leave me feeling dirty and down because I had no control over what was happening to my body despite using supplements such as red clover, sage, black cohosh, royal jelly etc.

This severe sweating cycle would then out of the blue just stop sometimes after months, sometimes after weeks. I would be able to dry my hair and only have to dab my face a few times. I would have possibly two flushes a day and the menopause would be back to feeling manageable. It was the never knowing day to day what the menopause would bring that would leave me feeling stressed.

4 days into HRT and the sweating / hot flushes are reducing massively. I haven't had to change my t shirt 15 minutes after first putting it on because I had armpit rings - something I have never suffered with even when I was well and would go to the gym. If it stops these or just reduces the hot flushes to the point where a tissue will dab the beads of sweat off my face I can live with that after the summer I have just been through.

Just 4 doses in and I can understand why some women say that HRT is a miracle drug and has given them their lives back. Until I started 4 days ago I really didn't realise how much of my life had been lost to the menopause over the last few years.

Oh and we did get a car on Friday and the plan is that we will pick it up tomorrow ( Tuesday 25th August 2020).

Car Accident

 It goes on and on, we are still waiting to hear from the insurance company whether or not the car is a write off. Unofficially the garage has told us they believe it is but it is all in the hands of the insurance company. With Covid many of their workforce are still working from home, so everything is taking far longer than it should. It is frustrating when some of us are already back to a semi normal - as in hubby is back at work and has been for a while. The stupid thing is for every day that the car is at the garage with nothing happening the insurance company will be getting billed. Same for the hire car we have been provided with. It would be in the companies financial interest to make this process go as quickly as possible but instead it feels like we are constantly walking through treacle. I really don't cope well with uncertainty. Not having a car, not being able to look at cars, as there is no point until we have a decision makes my anxiety go up through the roof. Plus with not working I am stuck at home all day with no real distraction from it, fielding the phone calls from the Police who are now involved, thankfully not about us but the other driver and the insurance company as and when they don't hide behind the data protection act, like they did this morning......when it has been me that has been injured and they wanted to talk to Mr Myasthenia Kid about it. You couldn't make it up.

I am still in pain from my injuries, my left arm constantly has pins and needles. Previous when I have had a trapped nerve in my neck the pins and needles would start usually when I was sat at the sewing machine. That healed and I hadn't had any issues for quite a while, since the crash I get no respite at all from the weird feelings in my arm that cover the whole of my shoulder joint, go all the way down my arm and into my fingers. It is incredibly annoying, I scratch the back of my hand a lot because the feeling can be like an itchy burning pain. I have had to stop though as all I do is rip the skin and it doesn't stop the feeling it just intensifies it. I also still can't turn my head properly, so I struggle to look behind me or turn my head to either side. Which isn't great when I am using my mobility scooter, well it isn't safe. So that is now also off limits for the moment.

What has surprised me most is the low mood, it has come out of nowhere. I am guessing it stems from the feeling of things being totally out of control, being in pain and just the turmoil this accident has created. I just don't want to do anything at all, then I feel guilty for not wanting to do anything. It is crazy, doing anything I would normally do is causing me pain or for the pins and needles to intensify so it takes away the desire to do anything. Which then leaves me with no distractions at all so I fall down the car accident rabbit hole and find stuff to obsess about and worry about. 

I hate all this adulting stuff. I am envious of Jay as for 9 hours a day he gets to forget about the accident and do his job. It is with me 24/7, with no escape and idiots on social media telling me that I don't need to worry that the car insurance will pay for a new car. Having already had one car written off nine years ago I know that these people mean well but are living in la la land. The insurance won't pay out what it would cost to replace like for like. They will give us a pay out that could be £500-£1000 short of what we would need to replace like for like. That is why you can get gap insurance when you buy a car, it covers the gap that the insurance leaves because the insurance company only pays you blue book price or what a car dealership would pay for the car, not what they would charge you if you bought it. It is a bloody racket with the consumer losing out all the time.

There is also the additional complication that many car dealers just aren't open or they are appointment only due to Covid. So it isn't like we can just have a mooch around and look at cars either. Another one of the joys of having a car accident during lock-down! what fun it is.

I'm so sorry that this post isn't all rainbows and roses but I have always tried to be honest when writing this and I am feeling really down about it all. I can't pretend otherwise.

Thankfully Dembe is fine if not a little clingy, he seems happier in the car again now after being a little stressed last week. Jay is having problems sleeping, quite often I hear him rattling around in the middle of the night. He is also having anger issues and is on a ridiculously short fuse. People may say it is only a hunk of metal and that would be the case if it hadn't caused all these other issues. Jay is feeling bad because he couldn't protect me from being injured and he couldn't stop Dembe being exposed to a car accident. Is it any wonder he has been impacted psychologically. When I do manage to sleep I am having the weirdest dreams, again all stemming from the accident.

In the week since the accident we have had a handmade lampshade delivered where the fabric has been used the wrong way up, my hair straighteners have gone bang - great in the current weather as I am now a frizzy mess, my big toe nail on my left toe has decided to peel off out of the blue. The only good thing is that my gp has agreed to me having HRT in an attempt to stop my migraines and the awful vasomotor symptoms I am having due to the menopause.

Before the crash we had bought a lazy spa , that was delivered with a European 2 pin plug which isn't very good when we use a 3 pin plug in the UK and an adaptor wouldn't be safe. So I have also been having to sort out a refund from Amazon who are saying it could be 6 weeks. So I could do with a change in my luck currently. It is about time the universe found someone else to pick on!

Latest Makes

It is one of those weeks where stuff is going on behind the scenes that is private stuff. I share as much as I can on the blog but I am human and we all need some element of privacy/ Everything is ok with Mr Myasthenia Kid and I and of course our beloved Dembe. So don't go worrying about us, I am just not in the mood to write a blog post, like I normally would so I thought I would share with you a few of my latest makes.

I have been searching for a lampshade for our landing for ages, years probably but just couldn't find anything I liked. I found out that you can buy kits to buy lampshades so I had a look at the website ( if anyone is interested https://www.dannells.com/ ). I watched the video that accompanies the kit a day or so before hand and then gave it a go. I deliberately made sure that I didn't rush and that I followed all the steps laid out in the colour instructions. Plus Jay aka Mr Myasthenia Kid was on hand to help when I needed it. I have to say I am ridiculously pleased with it. The fabric is Liberty called Conservatory Fruits, I bought half a metre of it last year because I liked it but had no clue what on earth I would do with it. Then I decided this was the project it was destined for. Is it sad that I am just thrilled with my work?

I have also been plodding away on a Christmas quilt I am making for my physiotherapist. I do a block every so often . I have just managed to complete the biggest block ( which is made of 4 smaller blocks ). I have also managed to get over my fear of metallic threads by switching to a totally different brand and the difference has been night and day! So I have managed to incorporate it onto this quilt.

I also have been brave enough to go back to my blanket that I am crocheting, it is the most complicated piece I have done - it is an intermediate level pattern and I am not ashamed to admit I have probably tried to run before I can walk with this one! More than once it has been shoved into a bag and left in the cupboard for weeks at a time.

The blanket is made of 12 squares, numerous triangles and Octagons. So I am trying to slowly make my way through the squares.

I also finished this shawl in the last week, I tend to crochet when I am in bed or too ill / sore to sit at the sewing machine.

I really enjoy crochet as I find it really relaxing and almost like meditation. 

I'm pleased I have been able to continue with my crafts during the lockdown as I think it would have hit my mental health quite badly if I hadn't have been able to. I have still been making masks as and when I can.

Adulting

Well it seems that the universe isn't done with fraying my nerves. 24 hours after last week's blog pots was published we found out that our car was in need of some expensive repairs. The repairs were going to cost more than the car was worth - just the cambelt change we had been advised would cost us £400 with the best case scenario. On top of that we needed to get the mid section of the exhaust repaired as Jay had gone over a stick or stone and that had removed the exhaust from its mountings. It is at times like this I really can't abide this adulting shit. I wish sometimes that someone else would swoop in and fix it all but then that would mean I wasn't an adult at all. At 45 I need to realise the days of someone swooping in have long gone.

Being nervous about my tooth extraction went out the window. Instead Jay and I had come to the realisation that as much as we loved the car we have that this was probably a slide into it becoming a money pit. With one of the hospital consultants I see an hours drive away we need a reliable car. Other than trips to the hospital we do very little mileage. But I can't be sat at the side of the road waiting for the breakdown service. 

I did a quick search online - this has been how I have found the last two cars. I thought I had found something ideal a silver Peugeot 207 Estate. It looked in good nick, nothing on there was screaming out to me. So rang the garage and this is where its gets bizarre. This garage was advertising on several well known sites yet when the phone was answered it was answered with just a "hello" not a "Hello XXX garage". Initially I thought I had dialled the wrong number, so I asked if I had rung the garage, to which there was a bit of a pause and the guy at the end of the phone said yes. I then proceeded to ask him if the car was still for sale and if it had a recent cambelt change, full service history. The answer I got was yes the car was still for sale but he didn't know about the cambelt or where the paperwork for the car was. The bloke sounded strange but I put it down to maybe he just wasn't the full shilling. I should have taken a breath and realised how dodgy this all sounded. I mean a garage who answer the phone without telling you the name of the business, a car for sale ( and they only had 4 advertised on all the sites) and he didn't know where the paperwork was. However I was stressed, I wasn't thinking straight and we needed a car. Jay was dispatched by Taxi to the garage.

Whilst Jay was on route something was nagging at me about the car - my brain had finally engaged. So I did a background check on the cars history. Its cost me 50p and I could look up 5 different cars should I want to. What I found out concerned me, the car had not been on the road since 2017 ( which would mean an 8 year old car in 2017 hadn't been able to be sold). It had failed its 2017 MOT and the list of fails and advisories were shocking. Ok I admit I had to google what half of them meant but even I knew a sub-frame failure wasn't good. I messaged Jay and told him to come back. He messaged me back saying they hadn't been able to find the garage - another bizarre thing, as the guy on the phone had told me the full address was on the website. However Google Maps had never heard of this garage. Thirty quid lighter and very stressed Jay got home with a migraine. He had to sit outside in the cold for a while, whilst I got him some pain killers and anti-sickness medication. He really did look rough.

So back to the computer I went, our options were being dictated by what was nearby and what boot size the car was as I have a mobility scooter and a wheelchair that I need to be able to put in the back. Most cars other than estates and people carriers just don't have that kind of space. Just when I was about to cry with frustration I discovered a small garage 12 miles away that had a Renault Grande Scenic for sale, this was the next model up from what we currently drive so we knew the boot space was going to be ideal. I showed Jay the photos and I then rang the garage. This time I was told the name of the place I was ringing, which was a good sign! I then had a chat about the car and asked if the cambelt had been changed. The guy said no but it would be changed before we bought it. 

I did another background check it was 22 days without an MOT and probably about the same for car tax. I looked through its MOT history it had passed it's last MOT with no advisories ( for those of you in the USA etc who are unfamiliar with the UK system cars have to be checked every year by a garage after they are 3 years old. This is to check it is safe and its emissions are compliant with the law. Advisories are things the garage notes that tells you although it didn't fail the MOT on those points they will need repairs before your next MOT.) It had failed MOT's in the past but all the work needed to ensure it passed and all the advisories had also been addressed. 

The problem was we had been advised that our Cambelt could go at any moment and we were only using the car now for essential travel. Where we needed to go was out in farming country and was down tiny single track roads. Should the Cambelt go out there we would effectively be up a certain creek without a certain paddle. Thankfully my parents had text me to let me know that they were up at their caravan ( about 3 miles away from us) so I rang them and explained the problem. They came to the rescue with my dad taking us over to the garage to have a look at the car. We took Dembe with us and he was such a good boy, as he isn't brilliant in the car as he can whine a bit but he barely made a sound.

As we pulled up the the garage I could see that the owner had pulled the car out onto the tiny forecourt for us. Believe me I have travelled an hour to see a car at a garage in the past and found it at the back of the lot hemmed in by other cars despite them knowing we wanted a test drive! So that was another tick in the box. We had a look at the car, it was perfect for us. The boot was enormous and technically it is a 7 seater as there are two folded down seats ( completely flat ) in the boot. The car is big enough to take Dembe's crate and my mobility scooter un-assembled. My mobility scooter comes apart so it can fit in the boot of a car. 

As we were happy with the car the deposit was paid and now we play the waiting game. The car needs an MOT and whatever work needs done for it to pass, if it needs any. It will be having a full service, the cambelt changed and the rear drivers side passenger window fixed. It's an electric window which isn't working, not that we open the rear windows with Dembe in the back. 

I am now going stir crazy as although Jay is still using our current car to take Dembe up to the common for his walks, I am not going with him as if the car breaks down I can't walk home. I don't have the ability or strength to walk should that happen. So I am currently going stir crazy as I haven't left the house since Friday afternoon. Normally I go out of the house in the car about 5 times a week. That drive out onto the common, even though I just sit in the car, keeps me sane. It gives me something different to look at. I am at the point now where I just can't wait to get outside. Of course this week I had a load of appointments my hospital appointment was booked for tomorrow so that has been cancelled. I was supposed to be at physio today but again its been cancelled due to not wanting to drive the car that far. The only appointment that is still going ahead as planned is my dentist appointment Friday for my tooth extraction. If we don't have our new ( 2nd hand car) here by then I will take a taxi. 

Whilst sorting out the replacement car I ignored the fact that I had a UTI brewing, which caused me loads of pain over the weekend and I am only just feeling back to normal now. Thankfully I already had antibiotics in the house so as soon as I realised it wasn't just an irritated bladder I started taking them. So Saturday afternoon I ended up having to go to bed as I felt so ill.

So we are on the countdown now to getting the car, I just can't wait to get outside and see something other than my home and the garden!

what's a cambelt?

Its that time of year again!

Well what a week, I have been super busy making gifts for family and friends for Christmas, whilst battling the crippling neck pain and yesterday having a stomach upset meaning I was racing faster to the bathroom than Usain Bolt. It wasn't pretty and it wasn't fun. It took a good 12 hours for my tum to stop cramping. Anyway that is enough bathroom talk for the opening paragraph of my blog post.

On top of all of that I have woken up with a very sore finger on my right hand. Its one of my typing finger's so this week is going to be a photo blog , the joint has swollen, I'm pretty sure its my arthritis playing up just for a bit of variety. I haven't shown you any photos for what seems like forever. So here they are.

Last weekend we decided that we would get the Christmas decorations out. It is a little early for us but hubby is out with work this weekend and would have been too delicate to climb the ladder into the loft on Sunday safely. All in all it took 90 minutes which is pretty good going when you think the dresser had to be stripped and cleaned, all the pottery that was coming off wrapped and packed and all the gorgeous Christmas stuff put out.

I've been beavering away making lots of gifts and then I decided why not add to my work load and instead of buying gift bags buy a job lot of plain cotton bags (blanks as they are known by embroidery people! I found that out this week) and thought I would embroider them. That way they wouldn't get thrown away and could used for years rather than one Christmas ( I always try to save gift bags but many of them don't make it through until Christmas having been bashed about whilst being moved trying to find other things.) I bought myself some variegated thread as well, so did quite a few using that.

Sorry the pictures aren't brilliant, these were taken immediately after they were done and needed an iron really. Now they are stuffed with presents. Here are some that I did using "normal" thread and much better photographs

I finally managed to complete Mr Myasthenia Kids advent calendar that I bought in August but had been putting off for months as it had box pleats something I have never done before. To be fair it wasn't too bad. We are still waiting for a dowel to hang it from the lounge door so it's in its temporary location here.

I fell in love with this fabric range from Makower , I have a table runner using this design. On Black Friday I managed to pick up some more fabric in this Christmas range with plans to make some cushion covers. At the time I  thought I may get this done before Christmas then as days passed I did start to wonder if I meant next Christmas as there seemed so much to do ( and I kept adding to it). I managed to knock them up today, which I am chuffed about as I had to use my overlocker to finish the seams to stop them fraying so that they will last and last. I made 4, two of each fabric design

I have two Christmas lap quilts that need bound so that they can replace the current quilts on the sofa. I am hoping I will get these done in the next few days. I will be making a scrappy binding using the off cuts from the cushions and table runner and any other Christmas scraps I can get my hands on. I will get these finished before Christmas, even if it kills me! Which I might do.

Tonight I am shattered, I hope that I manage to get some sleep tonight and stop waking up in a blind panic with all the things I need to do - even though I don't work I find this time of year very stressful. There is so much pressure for things to be perfect even though in reality nothing is. I do have a few things I need to make for other people and I can't let them down as it will mess them up for Christmas. I am feeling the pressure.

Next week I start physio, I am really hoping that we can make some difference to my neck issue.